Hadley laughs, shakes her head, and I smile. “Go.”
After a quick kiss, I tell her I love her and then I leave. When I arrive, various people stop me along the way to ask how Hadley and the baby are doing. I keep my responses short, but say enough so they know that they’re doing fine right now. I talk to the coach before running into Mr. York.
“Zotov, it’s good to see you back. How’s Hadley and Valeria?”
“Good. Hadley’s home and Valeria is doing as well as expected. My parents came, so having them here has helped,” I answer.
“That’s great. It’s good to have support around. I know the team will be glad to see you and hear an update. Most of them are in the workout room, if you want to head that way. It’s really good to see you, Zotov. Send Hadley my best wishes.”
I’m overwhelmed by the well wishes and other words of support my teammates provide. I take part in the exercises before going to skate for a bit. It clears my head and relaxes me. Before I know it, it’s gotten late. When I check my phone, there’s one text from Hadley.
Hadley: Little Valeria is as beautiful as ever. No changes & Mama saved you a plate of leftovers.
Part of me is bummed that she went to see Valeria without me. I might not be able to see her tomorrow since it’s a game day and I’ve missed out on seeing her this afternoon. I head home, eat dinner, and spend time with everyone. My mind is still on Valeria for the most part.
When we head to bed for the night, Hadley asks, “How was it?”
“Fine. Everyone sends their wishes.”
“Are you looking forward to tomorrow then?”
I nod as we slip beneath the sheets. It doesn’t take long for Hadley to fall asleep, but my eyes remain open and staring at the ceiling. I run my normal schedule over in my head to see if I’d have a window of time to run by the hospital to see Valeria. There may be, but it’s still bugging me that I didn’t see her earlier. I glance at Hadley, who is still sound asleep.
Quietly, I slip out of bed, change, and drive to the hospital. Maybe I can convince someone to let me see her. I just want to check in on her. I know there are medical professionals around her 24/7 and that she’s well taken care of, but I still want to check myself.
Before I head up to the correct floor, I stop and buy a few cups of coffee. It’s late; surely the nurses will appreciate it. The nurse looks up when I walk to the nurses’ station.
“Mr. Zotov, what are you doing here?”
“I brought coffee.” I hand her a cup. “Could I see Valeria? Please?”
She eyes me for a mom
ent before nodding. “Thanks for the coffee. Your little girl has been doing great, by the way.”
I nod. After changing and being as quiet as possible, she leads me to my daughter. Her chest rises and falls as she breathes and her fingers twitch in her sleep. She has me mesmerized. I hold my hands behind my back as I look down on her. Hadley brought it up the other day that I hadn’t touched her yet. I don’t know if I can do it. She’s just so small and I’m anything but. I don’t think anyone would call me a gentle giant either. Maybe I’ll eventually work up the confidence.
For now, watching Valeria while she sleeps is enough for me. I stay until the nurse kicks me out, sending me home before anyone realizes I was gone.
~ ~ ~
Life regains a sense of normalcy as I get back to hockey. It’s more difficult to focus before the games than during it, which I am thankful for. Unfortunately, my sleeping has suffered a bit. Every night this week, I’ve sneaked out to go check on Valeria. The nurses take the coffee and then they’ll let me see her. One or two of them tries to joke by asking for a specific type of coffee for next time. I just raise my eyebrows at them, but I usually bring what they asked for the next night.
Valeria has continued to be strong and prove she’s a little fighter. Hopefully, things will stay as such so we can bring her home at New Year’s. I really wanted to come tonight because I leave in the morning for the first away game since she was born. It’s been wearing on my nerves that I won’t be nearby. The moment I see her though, it eases my anxiety a bit.
She’s such a beautiful baby. She really is. Babies always looked pretty much the same to me before, so I wonder if I have imaginary baby glasses on that make my baby more beautiful than the rest. The thought makes me smile. Valeria’s eyes open, glancing around her surroundings. She’s always been sleeping when I make my late night runs to see her.
I glance around, but the nurse just stepped into the adjoining room. “Valeria,” I begin in a low whisper. “You should be sleeping.” She blinks and her fingers twitch again. Her fingers are slender and long. She makes a fist as if to tell me she’s not going to sleep just because I said she should be. My heart hammers in my chest as I make a decision.
Slowly, I reach my hand inside. With one finger, I touch her hand. Her skin is soft and those fingers of hers wrap around my one. If her grip says anything about her, then she’s most definitely strong. It takes a moment before I start breathing again as Valeria seems to look at me. And I know right then, I’m not going to be able to leave until she lets go. I sit in a chair next to her for hours. She falls back asleep after a while, but she’s still holding onto my finger.
When she does let go, I pull my hand back, watching her. I’m distracted when a nurse walks into the room. She’s not the same one who was here a few hours ago. I glance at the clock on the wall. Shit. They’ve changed shifts. After one last look at Valeria, I head out, hoping Hadley is still asleep. I’m going to have to catch a nap on the plane and hope it’s enough to keep me going for the rest of the day.
Hadley and Mama are in the kitchen when I walk into the house.
“Where have you been?” she asks, sounding a little worried.
Mama looks at me like I’m not as sneaky as I thought. I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew. The woman knows everything.