“When did you fall in love with hockey?” ahe asks, avoiding my question.
“Well, I was about three or so when I started skating. Then my parents put in my brother and me in our first league when we were about five. I scored my first goal that very first game. After that, I was hooked.”
I look over at her, and she’s looking up at the sky again. I see a tear running down her face, and I have the urge to protect her from whatever is making her sad.
“I was in the fourth grade. It was the beginning of year, and this bubbly, bright eyed girl in pigtails walks into our classroom. Her hair was so blonde, it was almost white. She had on a red and white Mustangs shirt, and she was full of confidence. I remember like it was yesterday.” She stops, taking a sip from her beer. “When she sat down next to me, she told me her name was Stacy. The very first thing she asked was if I liked hockey. Of course, I didn’t. I was so girly that I didn’t even like to get dirty. But, for some reason, she and I became best friends instantly. That year for her birthday, she wanted to go to a Mustangs game and take me with her. That was all she wanted.”
I angle my body more towards her. The tears are coming down harder, and she takes a huge gulp of her beer.
“I fell in love the moment the players hit the ice. The sounds, the crowd, watching the players, it was the greatest thing I had ever seen. Actually, it’s still the greatest thing I have ever experienced. From that moment on, we begged our parents to take us to games. We would save our allowances, our birthday money, anything we could do for money, just to go to games. Day and night, we never left each other. We were always at each other’s house or at school. Our friendship began with hockey.”
She laughs, shaking her head. “We even called each other every night and talked until one of us fell asleep. She was like my sister.” She stops again, and I watch Bonkers climb up her chest and lay there. He must sense her sadness.
“We were juniors in high school, and we got invited to this huge party. It was going to be the biggest of the year, and everyone was going to be there. This guy that I had a huge crush on told Stacy and me about it. So, we had to go. We lied to our parents, telling them I was going to her house, and she was coming to mine. Of course, they never questioned it.
“Well, we went to the party. There were so many people there, and Stacy seemed to know everyone. She was very popular in school. Anyway, I found my crush, and we went out back and started to make out. I was only gone for about fifteen minutes. I told him I had to go back to Stacy and see what she was doing. I went inside and started searching for her. She was passed out in a bed when I found her. I looked at her and instantly knew something was wrong.” She hangs her head and sobs.
I can’t take it anymore. I sit my beer down and scoot closer to her. I wrap her in my arms. She sobs harder, and Bonkers lays back in her lap. Selene fits perfectly in my arms. I rest my chin on top of her head. I breathe in deeply, inhaling her scent of fresh flowers. I soothe her as much as I can, but I’m really unsure of what to say.
“I’m sorry, Brody. I didn’t mean to cry all over you.” She sits up a little.
“It’s fine.” I don’t remove my arms from her. I keep her close to my chest. We sit there, neither of us moving from each other’s arms.
“What happened?” I ask softly.
“There were a bunch of college kids there, and they brought some drugs, but it was laced with a bunch of other stuff. When I found her, she was almost dead. She died a day later. Today, actually, eight years ago.” She finally sits all the way up, swiping tears from her eyes and pulling away from me. “Not only did I leave her alone, but I didn’t know her as well as I thought I did. We were best friends, and I never would have thought she would use drugs. Ever. But she did. Her parents let me take a few things of hers and I found her stash.”
She takes a deep, shaky breath and continues, “I’ve replayed that night and our entire friendship over and over, trying to see where I might have missed the proof. Or what I could have done to save her. None of it made sense to me, still doesn’t. She was my best friend, but she kept that from me. That secret killed her. She must not have trusted me enough. Maybe I was too caught up in guys or made too many comments about druggies or just wasn’t as good of a friend as I thought I was.
“I was so pissed at her too. We had a list of all the things we were going to do together as we grew up, and she ruined it all. We were going to go to the same college, stay in the same dorms, get matching tattoos, go on trips, marry hockey players, and live next door to each other so we would never be far apart.”
For the first time since I came onto the porch, she looks at me. Her beautiful dark eyes, illuminated in the moonlight, are so sad it hurts my heart.
“I feel at home when I’m in the rink. When we were able to afford tickets, it was always in the three hundred section. So, I buy season tickets and sit there because I feel close to her like she’s still here. I take the week off to remember her and everything I lost when she died.” Again, we sit there in silence. “I’m really sorry, Brody. I’ve sobbed all over your shirt.”
“The shirt is washable. Plus,” I smile at her, “I’m your friend, and I’m here for you. If you don’t mind me asking, did the guys who gave her the drugs get into trouble?”
“Arrests were made for those who were found with drugs on them, a couple for selling, but they didn’t charge anyone for that because they couldn’t pinpoint who exactly sold them to her.”
“Wow, that’s sad. I’m very sorry about your friend. Did you go through any counseling or do you use this week for that?”
“Both. It was too hard at first to be without after so long of always having her there, so my parents made me see someone.”
“I wish had some words that would console you, but I have nothing. However, I’m glad that I was here tonight for you.”
“Me too. Thanks, Brody. I think I’m going to lay down. Thank you for everything. I mean it.”
I stand and nod at her. She stands and gathers the bottles, putting them in the trash next to the porch.
“Hey, Selene.” I don’t know what comes over me, but I’m going to ask her. She turns and looks at me as I step closer to her. “There is a big benefit dinner tomorrow night. If you’re free, I would like for you to go with me.”
She steps back from me. “Are you asking me out?”
I think about it for a second. “Yes, I am. Would you like to go?”
“Brody, we’re just fuck buddies. I don’t want to complicate anything in our arrangement.”
I take her hand. “I’m asking my friend to do me the great honor of being my date.”