Let's Be Crazy (Oh Captain, My Captain 4)

I know that Tiff is right, and Tony would want me to move on. I knew that he was going to war, and that it was possible for something to happen to him. But, I prayed every day that he would be okay.

I stand up from the sink, knocking over my suitcase.

Crap.

When I flip it over, the only thing that falls out is Ashton’s jersey. I bought it on a whim when I saw it. The bright white lettering of Campbell makes me smile. I trace each letter. When I finish, I bite down on my lip. I remember Ashton saying that he wanted to see me in the jersey.

Could I do this?

Could I be some sexual, sensual person?

Be crazy.

I run back to the kitchen as quiet as I can and grab my purse. I go to the bathroom and fix my hair and makeup. I don’t do anything too heavy, just a little more sexy. I strip out of my clothes and put on the jersey. I stare at myself in the full-length mirror. It barely covers my ass cheeks, and my thighs look a little thick, but I can’t help that now.

I take a deep breath and fluff my hair again. I’m thirty years old and nervous about sex. I would have thought by now, I wouldn’t have these feelings.

Yep, wrong again.

Be crazy.

I repeat over again and again.

I slowly open the door, peeking to make sure he isn’t in his bedroom. The room is clear. I try to figure out how to do this.

Should I sit on the bed?

Maybe lean against the dresser?

Crap, I need to stop overthinking everything. This is getting out of hand.

Be crazy.

I push away all my nervousness. I’m thirty. I’m not a teenager. I know that Ashton won’t be anything but kind and loving to me. I tug on the bottom of the jersey and position myself on the side of the bed, crossing my legs.

“Ashton,” I yell for him. “Could come here?” I hear him coming up the hall.

“Yea…woah.” He stops in the doorway. His hazel eyes study every inch of my body.

“I kind of lied to you.” I try not let my voice crack. “I do own your jersey, and since you wanted to see it, I thought this would be a good time.” I hold my breath, waiting for his reaction.

“I…um…I…” He can’t say anything, and his eyes are still searching me.

“Something wrong? I’m sure I look better in a Gamblers’ jersey.” I try to hold back my laughter, leaning back, letting the hem move further up.

“Trust me.” He takes a few steps towards me. “You look hot as hell. But, we don’t have to do this.”

I sit up, taking his hand. “I know.” My brain is screaming for me to say the one thing my body wants more than anything right now. “I want to.”

I thought guilt was going to wash over me. The guilt of wanting Ashton and not Tony, but it doesn’t happen. Instead, I feel nothing but happiness, and I’m more relaxed. I drop his hand and stand up, letting my new confidence take me over. I pull his shirt over his head, the best that I can since he’s taller than me. Then I take off his belt.

“I’m liking this side of you very much,” he breathes out as I undo his pants.

I stop what I’m doing and scoot back to the head of the bed. Ashton’s smirk deepens as he finishes removing his pants, crawling towards me.

“You are so sexy in my jersey.”

“Am I?”