“You need me, Raegan. You need me, so cut it out and we can talk about this later. It was a mistake and won’t happen again.”
“Then why the hell are these messages dating back to two fucking weeks ago? Answer that! Wait, don’t. I’m done.” I’m shocked by the words that have slipped so easily from my lips, and so is he.
“You’re going to leave me over this, Raegan?” His voice trembles. “I just signed a lease for our apartment, you can’t be serious.”
He’s made a huge mistake, and I can’t have that. Even so, the look on his face says he isn’t going to let this stuff with Dad go. I can’t believe this is happening. We’ve never even really fought before, and I’m sick to my stomach trying to figure out what’s going on. Between the shit with Dad, and the messages from Adryian, I’m lost.
“I don’t want to, James, but I…I just can’t do this.”
He throws his hands up in frustration. “You’re just going to throw us away, Raegan? You’re going to throw away all we have because you’re too big of a coward to turn that piece of shit in?”
Between sobs I manage to choke out, “Are you kidding me? You’re still stuck on my dad? This has nothing to do with him anymore. This is about your little affair or whatever the hell you want to call it. I’ve got to go. I hope you know I loved you more than anything in this world, Jamesall, but you ruined it. I’m so sorry.”
His arm moves, making me flinch, but all he does is reach over to his nightstand and open the drawer, pulling out a small black velvet box.
“What’s this?” I ask foolishly, though I already know.
He lets out a cruel, forced laugh before opening the box to reveal a one carat solitaire engagement ring. The band is white gold and it is absolutely beautiful. I can’t stop crying and now I’m not even sure of the reason. “It’s the ring I was going to give to you the first night in our apartment, Raegan. I was going to ask you to marry me, to be my wife. That’s how much I fucking love you,” he shouts.
“You think I don’t love you?” I yell back. “I do, James. You know I do! If you loved me, you wouldn’t be forcing me to do something I’m telling you I don’t want to do, and you sure as hell wouldn’t be screwing around behind my back! This isn’t easy for me. So don’t you dare tell me I don’t love you!” My finger was in his face, my skin hot.
He stares at me in disbelief before scoffing. “And if you loved me like you say you do, you’d let me help you.”
“I’m done with this.” I wave my hands around as if I don’t know what to do with them. I’m done with the betrayal. Never did I think he would do that to me, but I was so very wrong.
Everything he says makes this harder than it should be. I can’t believe he was going to propose. I was so close to marrying a cheater.
“Please, Raegan, I’m begging you. I don’t want to lose you over this. I can change, I won’t see her anymore.”
He reaches out for me and I pull away. I’ve loved James as long as I can remember. Yes, this is scary for me. I need him to be there for me, especially right now. I know he wants to save me, but there are some things I need to do on my own.
“Look, James, I’m done. I don’t want to talk about this anymore or I may hurl. You broke my heart. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”
Before he can stop me, I slowly manage to make my way out the house, then force my broken body into my truck, and speed out of his driveway. Every movement is punctuated by torturous throbbing. I’m crying so hard I can barely see the road ahead of me. The pain in my side is piercing, I want to crawl in a corner and die. I pull into a parking lot, realizing he hasn’t tried to chase me or call me. I didn’t expect him to, but some things are worth fighting for. I would have fought for him.
I glance at the picture of Mom. “Nothing’s all right,” I say aloud, my voice hoarse. “I don’t think it’ll ever be.”
Chapter 2
It’s been a month; James tried to call me for the first two weeks and I couldn’t bring myself to answer because I knew he was going to press the issue with my dad. It hurt like hell every time a phone call or text message came through. But I wouldn’t give in, and I didn’t. I cried myself to sleep many nights wondering what it might’ve been like to escape my own personal hell. I just can’t get what happened out of my head. I don’t need two men making my life hell; I can and I will do this on my own. The one happiness I thought I could always count on failed me, just like everything else in my life.
Dad has his good days and his bad. He hasn’t kicked me to the ground again, he’s mainly just bruised my arm and the backside of his hand did meet my cheek one other time. Other than that, he is so involved in work that he isn’t home and I wasn’t complaining about that at all.
Nancy is my dad’s ex-wife, the only person I talk to occasionally. She understands why I can’t just turn him in because Dad used to do the same thing to her. She still loved him but refused to stay in the situation. I don’t blame her, but at least she had a way out.
I do feel like a coward. Christ, I can’t believe James called me a coward. I know he was upset but he didn’t have to call me that. Hearing those words hurt more than any physical pain ever could.
Two weeks later, I spot James at the mall holding hands with Adryian Wilson, the damn prom queen from high school. We weren’t from the Raegan social circle so we weren’t friends. She’s pretty, with shoulder length brown hair and a petite figure. She is everything I wasn’t in high school, probably everything James should have chosen to be with. She’s with him now, so she got what she always wanted.
I don’t let him see me; I duck into Express. It’s a cowardly move, proving him right I suppose. Before I leave, making sure he’s gone, I purchase a pair of skinny jeans and a really cute sequin tank top. Talk about a nice distraction. Dad wants to keep a credit card in my possession? I’ll gladly use it.
I’m jealous, hurt James moved on so quickly. I shouldn’t be; the text messages made it obvious he would. It’s only been a month and two weeks and they seem as cozy as ever. Was I anything to him?
When I get home that night, I cry and a whole tear soaked pillow later, I am ready to move on and let go. James had, and so could I.
Da
d is in a rather decent mood, but as soon as he sees me, his smile fades into a scowl—my warning to hide.