“Aww, hell, I was hoping to have my partner but I guess I’ll settle for Garrett.”
“Yeah, you’re just going to have to settle for second best. Were you a good sugar daddy last night?”
He grins, his eyes glimmering as I leave.
How the hell am I supposed to stay away from Garrett until this heals? He’s going to think I’m avoiding him and that I regret last night. If anything, I regret not staying in his bed lying on his chest. I know he’s not as cocky as he makes himself out to be. I felt safe there with him. Damn, I hate myself for all this mess. If he never speaks to me again, I completely understand but I hope he doesn’t do that. I’d be completely broken.
I pick up the phone and call the one person I miss more than anything, hoping to visit with her. She’s been in my life since I was four years old, the only motherly figure I’ve ever known since my biological mother died not long after I was born.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Raegan, how are you, hon? I miss you.”
“I’m, uh, okay I guess. Can I come see you?”
“Of course.”
I drive to Nancy’s apartment still wearing my sunglasses and as she opens the door, her smile reaches to meet her eyes. She tucks a short strand of her brown hair behind her ear and extends her arms to me. Without hesitation, I nuzzle against her. “I’m so glad to see you..”
“I’ve missed you so much Raegan. Come in.”
Her apartment is very relaxing. Maybe it’s the black raspberry vanilla candle she has lit in the kitchen or maybe the silent hum of the television on the local news channel. I don’t know what it is but I feel at peace here, with her.
I sit on the couch beside her and take a deep breath as I remove my sunglasses. She throws her hands over her mouth and a tear silently slides down her cheek.
“Did he—”
“Yes.”
“You can’t stay there anymore, Raegan. I have a spare room, please come here.”
“I can’t impose on you, Mom. I need to do this for myself. I joined a gym and I’m taking classes until I can save money to move out. I’ll be okay.”
“No, Raegan, he can’t do this to you too! You’ve done nothing to him.”
“It wasn’t him, honestly, I mean he didn’t physically punch me…it was the counter. He threw me forward and I lost balance. He was mad because I went out with a friend of mine. I shouldn’t have gone, it’s my fault. I knew he would be angry but I went anyway.”
She raises her voice in anger. “Do not try to justify any of this, Raegan. He’s wrong and he knows it. Get out of that house at least until he can get some help, please.”
“I’m working on it.. I met a guy. It’s funny because I hardly know him but he brings out everything in me I never thought I’d feel again. The worst part is, I was with him last night and he doesn’t know about this.” I gesture to the bruise on my face. “I’m scared he’s going to think I regret everything, but I don’t. I just can’t let him see me like this.”
That makes her lighten up a little. “I’m happy for you, Raegan. If he really likes you, he will understand, but you have to be honest w
ith him. I know none of this is easy to admit, especially to someone who may judge you.”
“I know.” I admit. “Enough about me, how have you been?”
“I’ve been good. Work is keeping me plenty busy but I can’t complain. Things take time, I still catch myself wondering what made everything collapse with your father like it did. I think he needs help but you and I both know he’s a stubborn man.”
“Yeah he is.” Stubborn as hell. I check the time on my cellphone and decide it’s best I try to head home. “I’m sorry to cut this short, but I probably should go, I just wanted to stop by and see you. I love you.”
She holds me as if she never wants to let go, squeezing tightly as she kisses my head. “You know you are welcome here anytime. I don’t care what time of day. You hear me?”
“Yes.”
As I make my way to the door, I grin before putting the sunglasses back on. Her words play through my head over and over again. Yes, I should be honest with him, but I’m not ready yet. This is my fight. For some crazy reason, I’m allowing myself to be in this position and I feel insignificant knowing everyone wants to help but this is my turmoil. I’m more than confident I can do this on my own, and I will. And when I do, I will finally know what it means to be liberated.
Chapter 10