I can hear the desperation in Garrett’s voice as he calls after me, and I tense up as I stop in my tracks. I refuse to turn around. I can’t look at him anymore.
He walks around and stands in front of me but I keep my eyes down. A lone tear slides down my cheek and I feel him wipe it away.
“What do you want Garrett?” I ask in a whisper. “Why did you follow me? Just leave me alone.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Raegan. Not until you talk to me.”
“I can’t, Garrett. All of this, all of us is a mistake. You shouldn’t have come after me. Just let me go. I have to go home.”
I move away from his touch, my body disconnected from the strength he gives.
“Please, Raegan, come talk to me.”
“I’m talking now,” I snap.
“No, let me bring you to my apartment and we’ll talk in private, not in the middle of the damn street.”
For some reason, I agree, and we ride in silence to his apartment. Not even music could drag me from this funk I’m in right now. I stare through the windshield trying to decide how this conversation is supposed to go. As he opens the door for me, I hesitate, wondering if this is a mistake.
When Garrett looks at me, I know I can trust him. So I walk inside.
I don’t think I’ve noticed anything in Garrett’s apartment the few times I’ve been here. Since Whitney moved out, it looked like he basically kept everything the same. This was the first time I noticed the pictures around his mantle. One was his mom, dad, Whitney, and himself. The other was just him and Whitney. He loves his sister very much, but I’ve never heard them mention their parents. On the other hand, I never asked.
He leads me toward the sofa and I sit reluctantly. He sits next to me but not too close.
“What’s going on, Raegan?”
I turn to see him studying my expression, as if searching for the answer there.
“Nothing.”
He lets out a frustrated sign and runs his hands through his hair. Slowly, he drags himself from the couch and walks towards the mantle.
“Dammit, Raegan, let me be there for you. I want…I want to be with you. I’ll take whatever I can get.”
I stand up as if to leave, but then we’re mere inches from each other. I don’t even remember what started this argument. I just know I need a way out. This is an attraction that needs to end. Nothing good can come from this because I keep secrets from him, and I always will. I kept secrets from James too. This is doomed to end the same way.
“Is it really that easy, Garrett? I want to believe it can be but I don’t think that can happen.”
“Then why’d you come to talk? You should have just said no!”
The hair on my arms stands on end as I inch even closer to him. He puts his hands up in his hair one more time. Seeing that puts me on full alert; Dad does that sometimes before he lashes out.
“What are you going to do, Garrett? You going to fucking hit me?”
“What?” For a moment, he appears as if he thinks I’m kidding. When he sees the terror in my eyes, masked by fury, he adds, “What the hell are you talking about, Raegan? Of course I’m not going to hit you.”
I don’t believe him. At least with Garrett I can sense something coming, there’s a warning in his eyes. With Dad, I’ve learned to gauge when to expect it, but most of the time I never see it coming. Garrett appears distraught, maybe confused—but it’s gotta be a front, I
just know it. This is what a man looks like before he hits a woman. Right?
“Don’t bullshit me, I can handle it, Garrett! I can fucking handle it. Hit me!”
Ready for a fight, I cover myself defensively, but he grabs my trembling hands and tugs me against him. Tensing, I try to push away, but it only makes him hold me tighter.
“Dammit, Raegan.” He breathes into my hair. “How could you even think something like that? I’d never put a hand on you.”
All of a sudden I’m sobbing against his chest; he holds onto me, not letting me go.