Blow (TKO 3)

I take a swig of the beer in my hand and notice Austin walking in. I’m ready to speak to him, ready to get this shit over with, when I realize the door doesn’t shut right away. My stomach knots up tightly almost cutting off my ability to breathe. I can’t believe the nerve of both of them. Well, it’s not like he knows any better, but Tamilyn of all people should have known what being here would do to me. Yet, here she stands, practically making a mockery out of me. I just want to fucking disappear but my feet won’t move.

“Hey, man, I’m surprised you really did stay in.” Austin grins as he walks over toward the cabinet. He pulls out a pan and sets it on the stove. When he’s not looking, I glare at Tamilyn. I want her to feel as uncomfortable as I do right now.

“I told you I was staying home. What are you cooking?” My stomach growls, reminding me I haven’t eaten. My appetite has been scarce today.

Tamilyn shuffles her feet nervously. She no longer is making eye contact with me. Instead, she’s staring at the floor. What a fucked up night this is. “I told Tamilyn I make a mean grilled cheese sandwich. Do you want one?”

I want to be a total dick, but my stomach is winning this battle. “Sure, I’m starving.”

I watch as Tamilyn carefully sets her purse down on my kitchen table. Her hands are shaky as she releases the strap and her gaze darts in my direction. Her lip moves upward into a smile and as much as I want to smile back, I just can’t right now. This is beyond fucked up. Austin grabs the butter as well as the loaf of bread and cheese. He begins cooking like he’s some sort of fucking master chef and she just stands beside him and giggles the entire time. I didn’t know grilled cheese was considered some sort of delicacy. I hate that my mouth is watering and I hate it even more when he sets three plates down on the table and announces it’s ready. I hate watching her hang onto his every word and of course I hate it even more the way she acts like nothing happened between us last night.

I sit in the chair across from Tamilyn. I can’t handle sitting beside her right now. My self-control is lacking right now and I’m bound to do something idiotic like touch her fair skin. She takes the first bite, moaning as she begins to chew. Austin begins talking but truth be told, I’m not listening to a single word he’s saying. I just nod and go with the motions praying he doesn’t ask any questions. I finally take a bite of my grilled cheese and it’s delicious. I want to tell him how good it is but he’s already got a big head because of the attention Tamilyn is giving him.

“So, Tammy Lou, how did your shoot go today?” I ask, breaking this awkward silence.

She finishes chewing and then sets the rest of her sandwich down. “It was so good. The couple was perfect! Oh, and I took some photos at the fight this evening. I can’t wait to see how they come out.”

“Cool.” I really want to tell her how proud I am of her, but I say nothing else. It’s not worth it right now. I want to be able to talk to her alone, without Austin in the way.

Tamilyn stands to her feet once her sandwich is gone and begins to wash off her plate. Austin grabs my plate along with his and brings it to her. I’m relieved when he walks off to the bathroom. The perfect opportunity. She’s still standing at the sink when I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. I lean into her ear and whisper, “Tam, what are you doing?”

She turns abruptly, almost dropping the plate into the sink. “I’m washing up from dinner. What are you doing?”

“Wondering why he brought you here like this. You’re driving me crazy.”

“Ruston, I know what I told you this morning. I know I said I didn’t want things to end up awkward, and I want you to know our secret is safe with me but…” Fuck, I hate the word but. It never means anything good. A lump forms in my throat as I wait for her to finish. “I like him. I want to give it a try. That means last night can’t happen again.”

My face goes pale. All the blood seems to rush out of my body and I feel as though I may faint. This cannot be fucking happening. “What the hell, Tam? What changed your mind? This morning you were pretty adamant. You said you loved me.”

“I do love you, Ruston, but we both know the only reason last night happened is because we were drunk and you’re jealous someone is showing me attention. I want to try things with Austin, okay? Can you respect that?”

“Can you stop ripping my heart out? Answer that. I hope you know he isn’t the settling down kind, so I’m not sure what you’re looking for,” I spit out.

“Don’t be like this, please. This is why I wish last night hadn’t happened. You’re going to treat me differently now.” She hangs her head.

“No, Tammy Lou, I didn’t start treating you differently until you started it.” I push my finger into her chest. Tears well in my eyes but I won’t let them fall in front of her. She doesn’t deserve to see the pain I’m going through.

She’s ready to respond. Her mouth is open, her hands ready to flail about, but Austin breaks the moment. “You guys want to watch a movie or something?”

Tamilyn waits to hear what I might say. Much to her dismay, I make up the excuse of having to be up early, when the reality is after what she just told me I can’t fucking sit out here and be near them. I just want to lie in my bed.

Chapter 11

Austin

“What’s with him?” I ask as Ruston shuts his bedroom door. I figured he’d want to sit out here with us and watch whatever junk is on TV tonight. I can’t complain, though. I’m a little excited to get to spend time alone with Tamilyn.

“I don’t know. He’s acting weird.” She sighs. I know they’re best friends and probably tell each other way more than they lead me to believe, so deep down, I think

she knows something she isn’t telling me.

“Yeah, his loss.” I sit on the couch and pat the empty spot beside me.

She saunters over and sits cross-legged next to me. I want to wrap my arm around her but I keep it slow. I am trying to be respectful of my cousin in his own house. I’m not a complete dick.

“You were right,” she tells me. “You do make a mean grilled cheese.”

“I’m glad you liked it.” I lean forward to kiss her forehead.