“Don’t tell him this happened, Ruston, please,” she begs.
“What’s it matter? Are y’all officially dating or something? Are you screwing him, too?”
“No and no, Ruston. I only slept with you.”
“Not like it matters because I know that won’t be happening again because you’ve made your choice.”
“I don’t deserve this,” she says, wiping a tear from her face. “What we shared the other night was amazing.”
“I don’t want to hear it, Tamilyn.” I sigh, stepping back from her. “I’m sorry for borderline harassing you. You don’t deserve that.”
“I do want to be with you too.” She wipes another tear from her face and crosses her arms over her chest.
“You can’t have both.”
She crashes her lips against mine once more and moans into the kiss. She pulls back and watches me intently before she speaks. “I want what we said the other night. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
I eyeball her like she’s lost her damn mind because she sounds like she has. “Tamilyn, that’s wrong. We were both drunk when we said that.”
“We said it, though, and you know we did. I’m not sleeping with him and I won’t at all. All I’m asking is give me time to figure out how to break it to him that I’m with you. You know it’s going to upset him to hear it. I don’t want him know we’ve been going behind his back, I just need time.”
“I don’t know that I like the sounds of this, Tam, but I’m a fool for wanting you like I do.”
She nods. I’m so blinded by love that I’m potentially allowing chaos to form around us. I should have put my foot down and made her realize I’m done, but I’m flirting with danger just to be with my best friend. One step in the wrong direction could end in tragedy.
Chapter 14
Tamilyn
It’s morning, the sun is barely peeking through my blinds, and my phone starts buzzing like crazy. Groaning, I sit up. Sleep was not in the cards for me last night. I tossed and turned the majority of the time trying to figure out what to do in this fucked up situation I’ve put myself in. I’ve never been that girl. I’ve never played the game of seeing two guys at once. I always looked down on any girl who did that. Obviously, I’m no saint. I have no golden wings and I certainly have no halo. Christ, this is fucked up.
I grab my phone off my nightstand and turn the notifications off. It’s reminding me that I have a photo shoot scheduled for this afternoon. I toss my phone back onto the nightstand and attempt to close my eyes once more. No such luck. It starts vibrating again and this time it’s a text from Ruston. I haven’t talked to him since yesterday at my parents’ house. After our hallway encounter, we managed to keep everything normal around our families so no one would notice our issues. The last thing I wanted is for either of our moms to pull us to the side and make us talk about it.
I swallow the little bit of saliva that rests inside my mouth, debating whether or not I want to hear what he has to say. I hate feeling torn, but I’ve created this and I need to figure out how to make things normal again.
Ready or not, I tap his message and brace myself mentally. For all I know, I’m getting ready to read that he’s done with me forever and our friendship will just become a massive pile of rubble.
I’m going to quit the gym today. I’m not competing with Austin.
I’m confused.
What are you talking about?
I joined to compete for you, hoping you’d see me and want to be with me but your choice is clear Tam. I can’t share you. I won’t share you and wait for you to decide who you want to be with. It’s not right to me or him and I’m sorry for making you think that was okay last night.
I’m taken aback by his words. I had the inkling that I would read something as heartbreaking as this but I was hoping in the back of my mind that I was wrong. A gasp escapes my throat as tears spring forward. What have I done? I just lost my best friend. With shaking hands, I send him my reply.
And you had to tell me this through text message? You couldn’t tell me this in person?
His next message is even more hurtful.
I don’t think it’s a good idea if we see each other for a while.
What am I supposed to say? My finger hovers over his name, wondering whether or not I should just go ahead and delete his number. I could just put myself out of this fucking misery. He’s done, obviously. I kissed him last night, proving my love for him like he wanted but it wasn’t enough. All because I can’t decide who the hell I want to be with. Aggravated, I toss the phone on the floor and lie back down. My family has this huge barbecue every year that his family always attends along with all of their friends. It’s coming up soon and I’m wondering how the hell we’re supposed to be around each other if he doesn’t want to see me. I throw the covers over my head. I just want to go back to sleep. Seeing as how the photo shoot isn’t until later, it just seems like the smartest thing to do. Except, when I close my eyes, all I see is Ruston and my lips are on his, his hands are on me, and I’m in heaven when in reality I’m in a complete hell.
Chapter 15
Austin