Blow (TKO 3)

I nod and walk out of the office with Lance right behind me. “Garrett is going to be so excited about this. I can’t wait to tell him. What do you want to work on first?”

“Weights first,” I tell him as I toss my phone and keys into the first empty locker I see. “Then we can spar because I want to make sure I have everything down that I need to know. I know I’m ready, but I want to be prepared in every single way.”

“You will be. Don’t worry about that. I’m here to make sure you’re ready. You know what gets me in the zone?” he asks.

Knowing his crazy sense of humor, I’m scared to ask, but the words have already left my lips. “And what is that?”

“Lately Taylor Swift.”

I stop dead in my tracks and burst out laughing. I’m laughing so hard, tears begin streaming down my face. He’s got to be kidding. “Cut it out, man, be serious.”

“I’m fucking serious, you asshole. “Shake It Off” is my shit. Don’t hate.”

I set the weights where I want them and lie on the bench. “Dude, you’re demented.”

“I’m awesome and you’re just jealous,” he insists as he lifts the bar and hands it to me.

I try to hold back my laughter so I can concentrate. Last thing I need is this bar falling on my chest. I complete a few reps before handing the bar back to him. I catch my breath before sitting up.

“So, what should I know to get ready for Friday?” I ask him, hoping he doesn’t bring his so-called motivation back into the conversation.

“It’s simple. Just keep your head in the game. Focus on everything you’re learning here and apply it. No street fighting, though. Keep it clean, but Howard has told you that before, and if you need extra motivation, I’ve got you covered.”

“No Taylor Swift, dude. How many times do I have to tell you that?” I laugh as we step on the mats.

The soft cushion molds to my feet and I’m almost positive if sweat didn’t pour here on a daily basis, I could lie down to take a nap. Sparring is becoming easier and easier for me. At first, I thought it was going to be hard to forget the shit from the streets, but it’s not. After all, I did have some professional experience before I gave it up, and it’s steadily coming back to me. I think there is something really positive coming from all of this. My life is beginning to straighten out for once. I’m happy and doing something I love. And I have a great woman in my life who I’m feeling more for each and every day. Somehow, I’ve softened up. I’m not so badass anymore, but that’s okay with me. Come Friday, I’ll show everyone what I’m made of.

Chapter 19

Ruston

I throw my phone against the wall, hoping it will shatter, but it’s still in one damn piece. I’m a liar. I’m a piece of shit and I regret everything I told Tamilyn. I didn’t get my dick sucked. I didn’t even flirt with a single woman in that bar. I stood by Lance and Garrett the whole night. I should have never jumped to conclusions, and I have no right to be upset about any of it because I didn’t fight for her. I let her slip right through my fingers. She’s sailed away, and not in my direction. I’m solely to blame. I’m not looking forward to facing her this weekend at the big barbecue our families throw every year. I know he’s going to be there with her. I lie back on my bed and think about apologizing to her. I was out of line, but why would she want to talk to me again after how I just behaved? I’m a monster. I barely even recognize myself anymore.

The day drags on slowly, the guilt tormenting me the entire time. I sit with my dad through several meetings about an upcoming project, and my head is nowhere near where it should be. I just nod throughout and mindlessly jot down notes like a drone. I tap my phone to check the time and I know Austin is most likely still at the gym. I need to apologize, whether she wants to hear it or not. I glance around to make sure no one can see me and hurriedly type.

I was out of line for my message this morning.

Minutes pass and no response. I knew this was going to happen but I had to try. The meeting ends and I tell Dad I have a few errands to run. In reality, I just want to be alone but he doesn’t need to know that. He mentioned something about having a lunch date with Mom anyway, so it’s not like me disappearing is a big deal. I walk outside and sit inside my truck. I glance around the office at the fast food joints lining the streets. I need to eat something but I have no clue what I’m hungry for. I could go for a burrito, but at the same time, a hamburger sounds delicious. I start my truck and drive across the street to grab a hamburger. I go inside and eat at a table alone. The sounds of people conversing around me help keep my mind from wandering, and I like that. Halfway into my burger, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out to see Tamilyn’s name. I swallow the bite I was chewing and take a big sip of my soda before reading it.

You think? Maybe you should ask questions before you assume shit. I hope you had a great time last night.

I know, I’m sorry. It just drives me insane, Tam. Nothing happened, I swear. I didn’t even flirt with a single woman at the bar. I was just trying to piss you off.

Well, it worked. I don’t know what to tell you. I miss my best friend Ruston.

My phone drops onto the hard top of the table and I close my eyes. Why is all of this so damn difficult? Why can’t things just be easy like they’ve always been for us? I pick my phone back up and stare at her words once more.

I miss you too, but I don’t know if I can be around you with him. I’m not trying to be a dick.

I know. Hey I’ve got a shoot about to start, I’ll talk to you later?

Okay Tammy Lou.

I don’t even bother finishing the rest of my burger. I stand with my tray in hand and walk to the nearest trashcan to dump it. I’m relieved she accepted my apology and

we’re somewhat speaking again, but the hurt stays embedded in my heart and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get past that, no matter how hard I try.

***