Blow (TKO 3)

***

The night is still young, and with a few more beers, I’m in a much happier place. My mom keeps checking on me. She insists we’re going to talk about this tomorrow, and I’m okay with that. Ruston hasn’t left my side. Everywhere I go, he’s there, making sure I’m okay. I think he’s worried I’ll change my mind about being with him, but I won’t. My mind is set, and he’s who I want. Ruston’s phone rings and he glances down at the number.

“Are you going to answer that?” I ask him.

It’s a little loud outside, so he steps into the kitchen and I follow him. “Hello?”

I wonder if it’s Austin calling.

His face turns ghostly white and the phone slips from his hand, crashing to the floor. He begins hyperventilating and I rush to his side as he drops to his knees. “What’s wrong, Rus?”

He doesn’t speak. He just sobs uncontrollably. What the hell is going on? Terror overtakes me. I see his mom crouched on the other side of him. She’s trying to talk to him, but he says nothing.

“Son, who was that? You’re scaring us.”

“A-Austin’s in the hospital. H-he wrecked my truck o-on the I-Interstate.”

We both gasp and guilt floods me. If he hadn’t found out tonight, he would have never left the party and wouldn’t be in a hospital. We don’t know the extent of his injuries yet, but knowing what happened is a shock in itself. The tears return. I wrap my arms around Ruston and he just sits there, limp.

“It’s all my fault,” he whispers. “I couldn’t control myself and he found out. He could be really hurt.”

“It’s not your fault,” I try to assure him. “It’s mine.”

“It’s neither of your faults.” His mom softly cries. “It’s not your fault he got behind the wheel of that truck and got in a wreck. This is just a tragedy. We can’t control these things. We do need to get to the hospital, though. I’ll go tell your dad.”

I can’t breathe. My body is going through all the motions for breathing to take place, but it’s like nothing is happening. Things weren’t supposed to go this way but here I am staring straight ahead, afraid to make eye contact with him. If I move my head in any sudden direction, eye contact is inevitable. The tears pooled in my eyes are so thick, I doubt I could even make his features out. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to see the hurtful look on his face. No doubt it’s the mirror image of my own. All I know is everything was fine earlier. I had everything figured out and then, like a blow to the gut, it vanished. My head drops even with my knees and the tears I’ve been holding back finally fall.

Mom’s phone rings and she sobs. “Who is it, Mom?”

“Moira. I’m going to step down the hall.”

She stands shakily and walks to the spare room down the hall before closing the door. “This is my fault, Ruston. I’m so sorry.”

“Stop, Tam,” Ruston cries. “I don’t want to play the blame game because if we’re going to, then we’re both responsible.”

“Please don’t shut me out,” I whisper as I lean against him.

“I won’t. If anything, I need you now more than ever.” He kisses my forehead as we sit on the floor together.

All that plays in my mind is how angry Austin was, standing in the front yard, and all the things he said. Now he’s lying in a hospital bed and I’m left with that last image of him. I know I told Ruston not to shut me out, but I’m carrying so much guilt that I may shut him out. I stand to my feet, but Ruston tugs at my arm. “Where are you going?”

“I need to go to the bathroom before we go to the hospital.” It’s mostly a lie. I just want to cry alone. I stalk up the stairs to the other bathroom and shut the door behind me. I lean against the door and let my body slide down. I let things become so tangled and fucked up, and look what’s happened. It’s like a bomb just exploded in our lives. This was like the ultimate blow to the chest.

I liked him but not enough to love him, and I couldn’t just come out and be honest about that. There was no kind of dating future or any kind of future for me and Austin. I sit there and cry until my head hurts, then turn on the sink and splash some cool water on my face. I stare at my splotchy cheeks in the mirror, and think about how we thought everything was going to change when we decided to tell Austin. Instead, the change that just happened was nothing like we expected. I want to rewrite this story, so Austin doesn’t wreck and end up in the hospital, but Ruston and I can still have our happily ever after. Yeah fucking right, this is real life and the story is constantly changing. What’s done is done.

A knock on the bathroom door startles me. I stand there staring into the mirror, not wanting to move. I made sure to lock the door when I shut it so no one could just barge in.

“Tam?” Ruston calls out. “I know you’re in there. Please open the door. We’re ready to go.” The sadness in his voice fills my ears and the tears begin streaming harder down my face. “Tam, I-I need you.”

I can’t let him beg like this. He’s carrying guilt just like I am. We created this issue, and only we can help each other through this. Numbly, I turn and open the door. Ruston is standing in front of me, his eyes bloodshot. I’ve never seen him like this, and I’ve seen him go through many things.

“I’m ready,” I tell him. He pulls me into a long hug and I let him hold me. “Let’s go check on Austin.”

I knew secrets could be dangerous, but I never realized they could be this harmful. I guess I should be grateful Ruston is leaning on me right now when I should be the one person he despises the most. I break the hug and lead him downstairs where our family is waiting. Everyone has gone home, and it’s time for family to be there when we need them the most. Dad locks up the house as we get into our vehicles. The whole way to the hospital, I pray Austin will be okay. He’s a true fighter. He has to pull through.

Chapter 28

Ruston