“What? What are you talking about? Where’s my arm?” I freak out, trying to jump out of the hospital bed. The IV and other wires hooked up to me prevent me from moving and I sink back into the bed. With my left arm, I reach over to prove her wrong. My right arm is there, except it isn’t. I grab where it’s supposed to be and I end up with a fistful of sheets and hospital gown.
“Calm down, it’s okay.” She attempts to soothe me. “Your arm was severely impacted in the accident and amputation was the only option. I can get the doctor if you’d like to speak to him.”
“What’s the point? It’s gone.” I close my eyes and begin to bawl my eyes out. I can’t fucking win anything in this life. Maybe I should have died. I couldn’t get the girl I wanted to be with, and now I’ve lost an arm.
“I’m so sorry.” Her eyes are so kind. I can’t be mad at her. It’s not her fault. She’s just a nurse. “The good news is you could still have your arm with the prosthetics they have available nowadays.”
“What’s your name?” I ask her, once my tears stop falling.
“I’m Paige.”
“Paige, I want my arm back.”
“I know.” She speaks softly, walks closer, and grabs my left hand. “I’m sorry this happened to you, but from what I heard, the accident was bad. You’re lucky to be alive.”
“I guess you’re right.” I hang my head and fight back the remaining tears that try to fall.
“I need to go check on other patients. I’ll be back to check on you, okay?”
“Thanks, Paige,” I whisper.
“You’re welcome, Austin.”
I watch as she walks out of the room. I know she was just being polite but at least they gave me someone easy on the eyes. As soon as she walks out and I’m left alone, reality begins slapping me in the face repeatedly. My fucking arm is gone. There’s nothing but a damn nub where my arm is supposed to be. It’s wrapped in gauze. I want to lash out in anger but I cry uncontrollably. I fucking wish I could go back in time and redo everything. I would have never pursued Tamilyn and would have just done my own damn thing. Then the argument would have never happened. In the end, they got what they wanted and I lost everything. I can’t even fucking fight anymore. My life may as well be over. I finally found something I began to develop a passion for, and even that was taken away from me.
I’m wondering where the hell everyone is. Why isn’t anyone here to see me? Then I remember I’m sitting in ICU and visiting hours are over. What a bunch of fucking shit. As morning drones on, a doctor comes in to check on me. He’s a nice guy but I can’t seem to show appreciation. I’m still pissed about the fate of my arm. While he’s talking, Mom walks in and I begin sobbing again. He gives us a moment before telling me I’m being moved to a real room.
While preparations are made to move me, Mom tells me how they drove here as fast as they could. She tells me how she found out what happened before the accident and I hang my head. It’s bad enough I have to relive that night over and over again in my mind. I didn’t really want her knowing everything. When I ask her how she found out, she simply glared and told me that Tamilyn told her. Like a snake full of venom, Mom begins spitting out all kinds of fucked up things about Tamilyn. I should be pissed too, because it was my feelings on the line and I let it all slip away, but I can’t be mad at her. She didn’t make me get into the truck and drive recklessly.
“Mom, you can’t say things like that about her. It’s not her fault.”
She doesn’t say anything else about the subject. “How are you feeling? I’ll go get you some real food for lunch. I know you must be hungry.”
“I guess I am,” I mumble. “How do you eat with just one hand?”
“I’ll help you. You’ll get used to it, Austin. It’ll just take time.”
Tears spring forward. “I need to tell Ruston I’m sorry about his truck.”
“I doubt he’s concerned with the truck. Stop working yourself up.”
She’s right, but I will apologize to him. “Why did this happen to me?” I’ve never cried so much in my life. I hate it. I hate feeling vulnerable, but everything in my life has crumbled before my eyes in the last few days.
“I don’t know, Austin. I wish I could answer that for you. We’ll get you the best prosthetic arm money can buy. They have made great advancements with those things, you know.”
“Yeah, that’s what Paige told me.”
“Who?”
“Just the nurse who came to check on me earlier.” Just then, a different nurse arrives to move me to a regular room. I wonder if Paige is going to come back to see me like she said, but I doubt it. She was just being nice because it’s her job. I’m a one-armed guy now. She wouldn’t want anything to do with me.
Chapter 32
Tamilyn
I feel guilty standing in the warm sun snapping random photos on my camera, knowing I can use both of my arms and Austin can’t. I purposely put my phone on silent so I wouldn’t have to hear every time Ruston tried to reach me. I understand his concern, but he needs to see my side of things. I thought being outside in the fresh air would be therapeutic for me, especially with my camera, but it’s not helping like I thought it would. I’m not feeling the normal joy I feel when I’m capturing a moment. I know I’ll be deleting all of these photos later. It’s not my best work.
After heading back to my car, disappointed in myself, I pull my phone from my pocket just in time to see my mom calling.