For the first time in a long time, my Mom looks in complete peace. She’s not hurting. An ugly sob escapes my throat and my knees buckle beneath me. Garrett appears from nowhere, helping Raegan hold me up. My heart is pounding so hard, I almost can’t take it. The air is removed from my lungs and breathing becomes so much more difficult than it already is. My mom is lying there, yet she’s no longer here.
“Mom, I’m so sorry. I hope you were proud of me. I-I love you so damn much.” I sob toward the casket.
Raegan squeezes my hand and Garrett continues to be my strength. After a few moments, I am able to compose myself. I reach down into the casket and touch her cold, lifeless hands. I pull my hand away and turn to find a seat.
Dad comes to sit beside me and pulls me in for a hug. “I love you, son.”
“I love you too, Dad.”
The rest of the service goes by in a blur. My eyes burn from crying nonstop. It’s a complete honor, and I’m damn proud to be able to be a pallbearer for my mom. All my life, she carried me through the tough times, and now it’s my turn to carry her. The sun is shining brightly in the sky, and with all my heart I believe Mom is smiling down on us.
Chapter 3
Two weeks ago, my Mom was laid to rest. It’s taken us a little time to almost get things back to normal at home. It’s odd to walk in and not see her there. It’s a waking nightmare. Dad has immersed himself in work and both of us are glad he’s been able to hold down a job that he somewhat likes. The job pays the bills and that’s all that matters right now.
I haven’t fought since right before Mom died, and I’m itching to get back into the ring. Howard insisted that I take a little time off after everything that happened. I think he was more worried that I wouldn’t have my head on straight. I know my head isn’t quite where it should be, but I know what I’m doing.
As if things weren’t crazy with Mom being gone, I still can’t fucking get Hilary out of my head. I can’t help but shake the insane feeling I have about her. She did make herself quite clear though as to her true feelings for me that night. I can change her mind though, and I damn well plan on it. I just need her to remember me, to remember the good things. I don’t want to lose my chance with her. Why do I feel this way about someone I hardly know?
Lou’s, home sweet home. I love this damn place. Walking in, I can’t help but grin. Raegan is standing off to the side talking to Whitney. Raegan doesn’t fight anymore. She chose to give it all up for Garrett. She misses it some kind of fierce though, I can see it in her eyes. Whitney is holding Randi Lynn. Damn, that little girl gets cuter every time I see her.
Raegan waves me over.
“Hey Raegan, Whitney.” I turn to Randi Lynn. “Hey cutie, how’s my favorite little girl today? Need Uncle Lance to kick some little boy’s ass?”
“Lance, watch your mouth around my child!” Whitney scolds.
“My bad. I meant butt.” I grin at Randi Lynn as she begins to coo.
Whitney covers Randi’s ears. “If my daughter’s first word is ass, I’m going to kick yours. Between you and Howard, I don’t know who is worse!”
“You’re lucky you scare the shit out of me, Whitney.” I laugh. “Now that you aren’t pregnant anymore, I better behave. Unless you’re already pregnant again.”
“Take Randi, Raegan,” Whitney says, handing the child over. All of a sudden she looks ready to throw me down and pummel me.
“I’m totally kidding.” I hold my hands up in resignation. “I love you too, Whitney.”
The door opens and Howard walks in holding a pink diaper bag. I immediately break into a fit of laughter. “Oh man, this day just gets better and better. Hey, Howard, can I get a picture of that? This is cracking me up.”
Howard cuts me a warning look that tells me he will drop that bag in about two seconds, and slam me to the ground. But I can’t quit laughing. I’m a joker, it’s what I do, and it’s who I am. It’s how I cope with everything. Thank God they all know this and love me for it.
“Go find Garrett before I kick your ass.”
“Howard, language! I just fussed at Lance for the same damn thing.” Whitney gawks. Her face is a brutal shade of red now, and I take that as my cue to skip off toward Garrett.
He’s hitting the punching bag and turns to face me as I walk up. “Hey, man, Whitney looked like she was ready to kick your ass.”
“Watch that word. Your sister is in ass mode,” I warn him. “She’s
out to kill anyone who says it.”
Garrett chuckles as he turns to look at her. Raegan is now holding Randi Lynn in her arms, and I see the glimmer of hope in Garrett’s eyes as he watches. Raegan and Garrett are the kind of couple who make me want to puke sometimes. It took them damn near forever to finally get together but even I have to admit they are pretty damn perfect together. Raegan had a rough time with her Dad for a while, and when shit finally hit the fan, she got out. Garrett was there to help her, and they’ve been together ever since.
“What’s on your mind, man?” I ask him.
“Huh?” he says, trying to play it off by crossing his arms over his chest.
“I see that look on your face. Raegan is holding Randi Lynn and you’re gazing at her like a damn girl swooning.”