“Killed them or let someone else kill them.”
“Fast or slow?” Olaf asked.
“Fast. Once they talked, it was over.”
“Didn’t you enjoy the kill?”
“Not really. Killing them was just part of the job at that point. Sometimes I was glad to kill them.”
“You enjoyed it.”
“Not in the way you mean,” Nicky said. He let go of my hand and sat back in his seat.
“You said you were glad to kill them,” Olaf said. “That implies joy in the kill.”
“I enjoy a good hunt. I enjoy killing people that are trying to kill me. I like proving I’m better than they are, but killing someone who’s chained up or so hurt they can’t do anything back to you, that’s like a canned hunt. There’s no enjoyment in that for me.”
“Then why were you glad?”
“Glad it was over and done,” Nicky said. “Glad we could get on with the next part of our job. Glad I could put the people out of their misery.”
“Are you saying you felt pity for them?”
“Maybe.”
“I saw some of your videos, Nicky. The man who did that had no pity for his victims.”
“I’ve seen your videos, too, Olaf. You enjoy the work a lot more than I did.”
“Do you think your victims hurt less because you did not enjoy it, Nick?”
“No.”
“Do you think they were less afraid because you didn’t enjoy their screams?”
“No,” Nicky said, and there was no emotion in the word.
“Do you think you’re better than me because you felt more for your victims?”
“No. If it’s morals you want to split, then I’m worse, because I had some pity, some feelings, and I still did it. I think that makes me worse.”
I looked at him between the seats. “Is it being tied to me metaphysically that makes you feel bad about it now?”
Nicky made a little waffling motion. “I don’t remember feeling bad about it before, so probably, but I know that I didn’t enjoy the harm I caused past a certain point. It stopped being exciting or sexual or anything remotely resembling an emotion I could explain to you, Anita.”
“You’re a werelion. You like blood and meat,” Olaf said.
“In my food, not in my sex.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“I’ve said it before, Olaf: I don’t care what you believe.”
I had a thought but wasn’t sure if I should share it out loud. I forgot that, with Nicky this close, a clear thought was enough, and I didn’t have to say it.
“Yeah, I think you’re right,” he said.
“Thank for you for admitting it,” Olaf said.