Don’t eat it. Throw it out, and I’ll take some of your pain away. The voice is a muffled whisper within her box, but so seductive.
I glance toward the bathroom door. I’m allowed to eat upstairs because my parents have promised to trust me, and it’s been a long time since my weight dipped. If they knew I’d lost a pound, mum would be standing over me right now seeing that I eat every bite. But I didn’t tell them, and so she doesn’t know.
Throw it all out, and you won’t have to think about him all weekend.
I go through to the bathroom and throw the rest of my dinner and all the cake and ice-cream into the toilet. I’m not backsliding, I tell myself as it all flushes away. It’s just one weekend, to help me cope with what just happened. I’ll be better by Monday and I’ll eat so many calories to make up for it.
A cold laugh echoes at the edges of my mind. Of course you will, my love. Of course you will.
Chapter Fifteen
Stian
I message Lacey twice over the weekend, but I don’t get much out of her in reply. She’s fine. She had a good time. I stare at her text messages, not sure that I believe her. Every instinct is screaming at me to go around and see her, and if she were any other sub I would take control of the situation and make certain with my own two eyes that she really is okay. I dare not do that with Lacey. It’s best that I leave her in peace so she can settle into whatever routine she has for herself on the weekends. Me banging on the front door will only result in a lot of questions from her parents, and that’s not my choice to make for her.
Confiding to her therapist about me was enough to make her lose a pound. She’ll tell them about us when she’s ready.
On Monday morning I arrive at seven-forty, and I’m intensely relieved to see her sitting at her desk, the same as any other day. There’s no one else around so I stop and talk to her. I need to look into her face.
“Good morning, sir,” she says with a smile, and her eyes dance with pleasure as she gazes up at me.
All the tension goes out of my body. She’s perfectly fine. Maybe a little pale, but that could just be the light. It’s overcast this morning. “Good morning, käraste,” I murmur, and head into my office, feeling more at ease than I have since I watched her walk away from my car.
At six that evening, she knocks on my door and comes in and sits quietly on the floor as usual. For once I turn and look properly, enjoying the sight of her there. I won’t have this for much longer so I want to enjoy it while I can.
I forgo any attempt to cause her pain or put her into subspace in favor of going down on her. She’s smiling after she comes, and wraps herself around me.
“You’re so gentle tonight. Afraid I might break, daddy?” she teases, rubbing her cheek against the lapel of my jacket. “You already did that.”
“Oh, I remember,” I say with a smile, kissing her.
The next morning she definitely looks pale, and at our morning meeting I ask her if she’s feeling all right.
“I had a rotten night’s sleep. Tummy ache,” she explains with a grimace, sliding a hand over her lower belly.
“Will you be all right? You can go home if you need to.”
Lacey just smiles at me. “No, I’m fine.”
She goes back to her desk and works diligently, and I turn my attention to a task that I’ve been putting off for a week now because I resent it with every fiber of my being. Advertising for a new assistant.
Striking the keys harder than necessary, I type an email to HR with the job specs and ask them to put the ad up on all the usual job sites. Whomever I hire, they’ll be perfectly adequate. But they won’t be Lacey.
That evening, I don’t know why, but again I don’t have the heart to cause Lacey any pain. I make her come, and then capture her hands with mine when she reaches for my belt, stopping her from undoing it.
“I wanted to talk to you, käraste. About us seeing each other when you leave.”
The smile fades from her face for a second. When she puts it back it’s not quite so easy and natural. “Oh?”
“We’ve had such a beautiful time together. I’ve advertised for a permanent assistant, and it got me thinking about what’s going to happen to us. Things are going to change.”
Lacey sits back from me and folds her arms. “I hate the thought of leaving. What if I stayed permanently? What if nothing changed?”