I locked the doors and pulled out into the street.
And that’s when the tears began.
I wiped mine away, as they silently slid down my face. But I kept on driving. My eyes set fiercely on the road.
Mandy bawled. Her hands cradling her face, she rocked, back and forth.
“Oh no. No, no, no, no…” It went on like that for the entire drive. She bawled, and rocked, and bawled some more. And she tried to bargain, she tried to beg, but she saw my face. She remembered what I said, so she started crying some more.
The drive took forty minutes. I took her to where I always took Brian and was greeted by the same front desk clerk, Patricia. She’s been here each time I’ve brought Brian in. She recognized me and gave me soft, sad smile when she saw who was behind me.
Mandy wrapped her arms around herself. She’d grabbed a blanket from in her car, and I carried all her bags inside. I dumped them at the desk, but I didn’t say anything. I don’t think I could around the lump in my throat.
“Hi, Taryn.” She smiled gently, standing up. She gave me the clipboard and pen. “You know the drill.”
I nodded, my throat choking.
I shook my head. “She’s my sister,” I managed to say hoarsely.
“We’ll take care of her,” she murmured tenderly.
I nodded, my tears blinding me for a moment.
I looked at Mandy and saw that she was worse than me. She looked like a six year old. Raw. Vulnerable. Exposed.
My heart broke into a million pieces for her.
“I’ll handle everything,” I murmured, more to myself than Mandy.
Mandy just cried some more.
She’d taken a seat, but was rocking back and forth. I stood in front of her, clipboard in my hand.
Pat and two other staff members stood behind her, waiting.
“Mandy,” I spoke up, my voice breaking, “you gotta go.”
“No,” she shook her head, whimpering, “no.”
“You have to,” I whispered. “You gotta…you gotta face your shit, Mandy. You haven’t. You’ve been hiding, but that’s over now. You can make a fresh start now. You can be out of here—” I trailed off, knowing she wasn’t even listening. She couldn’t. She was still fighting it. Fighting me.
I looked back at Pat, who gave me an encouraging look, a saddened smile.
“We gotta say goodbye,” I whispered, my voice hoarse.
“No,” Mandy whispered again, to herself.
“Come on. Let’s go.” I pulled her up and wrapped my arms around her. Slowly, Mandy moved her arms around me, and then she clung to me.
“Don’t me make do this, Taryn. Don’t make me go in there.”
“You have to,” I said back, whispering into her hair, “or I’m gone.”
Mandy didn’t say anything.
“I love you,” I whispered, hugging my sister.
Mandy clung tighter.