UGH.
“Oh, aren’t you Mr. – ”
“Stop it,” he said firmly. “Stop being sarcastic and pushing me away, because I’m serious. Yeah, girls jump into bed with me right away. If they don’t, I usually walk away and find another one who will. But you’re different. The second I saw you, I thought, I WANT her. And not just sex – the whole package. And yeah, while I really, REALLY want to sleep with you, I want you in my life even more. To the point where fuck sleeping with you if I’m going to lose you over it. I’d rather be with you than just sleep with you and then lose you. I want you – ALL of you. I do, I swear to God that’s the truth.”
That took my breath away.
My heart was thudding in my chest.
Nobody had ever said anything like that to me before.
Nobody had made me feel that wanted, that desired – and yet let me know that they respected me above all else.
“I don’t believe you,” I said, though most of the anger was gone from my voice.
“Then give me a chance to prove it.”
“…how?”
“Let me be around you. No more talk about sex, no more trying to get into your pants. Let me hang out with you. Let me prove to you that I’m really, really interested in you. Let me get to know you.”
He sounded totally sincere.
It sounded amazing, and lovely, and romantic.
Though I secretly still wanted him to try to get in my pants.
But it wasn’t going to work.
I couldn’t let it work.
“I have a boyfriend.”
“Who broke up with you,” he said evenly. “And you don’t seem so upset about that, so stop using it as an excuse.”
Dammit…
But other than Kevin, there was the slightly more pressing issue of time.
I shook my head. “We’ve only got two weeks. And I’ve got finals to study for.”
“When’s your last final?”
“Thursday morning.”
“And what happens after that?”
“I go home for the summer.”
“Then I’m going to need as much of that two weeks as you can give me.”
I hugged my arms around my body like I was cold – but I wasn’t.
It was because I could feel temptation creeping in on me, using such logical words… and I so wanted to give in.
“…I need to think about it,” I whispered.
“Okay, you think about it tonight – but the flip side of the coin is I need you to get to know me, too. And you can’t know me without knowing about my music. So I want you to come meet my best friend and listen to us play.”
Oh God.
“What, at a club?” I asked dubiously.
“No. I want you to come to a practice, just me and him. We write songs together. You want to get to know the real me, then I need you to come hang out with us.”
I hesitated and chewed on my lip. “…when?”
“Tomorrow afternoon, about 3PM.”
I sighed and gave in – sort of. “Okay. Give me your number and I’ll let you know tomorrow what I decide.”
“Don’t have a cell phone,” he reminded me.
“Oh, yeah… where’s the practice?”
“Don’t worry about that. You got a car?”
“Yeah.” A clunker, but I did happen to have a car.
“Good, you can drive us.” And with that, he walked away – but backwards, so that he was still facing me as he left. “See you tomorrow around 2:30.”
“I thought you were going to take me out,” I taunted him.
“I am. You’re just driving, that’s all. I think it suits you, you being a control freak and all.”
I stuck my tongue out at him, but he just grinned and kept walking.
“I didn’t say I was going to go out with you yet,” I yelled.
“You will.”
Then he turned and walked around the corner, out of sight.
The last thing I saw was that playful, utterly confident smile.
22
I thought about it all night and all the next morning.
Spending any more time with Derek was a bad idea. I knew this. That was not in question.
But Kevin was still pouting and hadn’t called me back – so technically, whatever I did wouldn’t be cheating.
For the record, I knew that was a total copout. I didn’t even think it held water as an excuse.
…but it was, technically, correct.
And it gave me a certain amount of psychological cover to play ‘What If.’
At the end of the day, I could always scream like Ross on Friends, “We were on a BREAK!”
But I still knew I was getting back together with Kevin. I was, there was no question in my mind of that.
And anything I did with Derek would be cheating, technicality or not.