Rock Me Hard (The Rock Star's Seduction 1)

“No,” he said tersely, but with a suppressed grin.

“What is it?”

“I’m not going to tell you.”

“Tell me.”

“No.”

“Telllll meeeee...”

“I don’t want to tell you.”

“Pleeeeeaaaase?”

“No.”

“Why not?” I asked, a little hurt.

“You’ll make fun of me.”

“I won’t make fun of you.”

He looked at me from underneath his eyebrows like Give me a BREAK. “You’ve been doing nothing but making fun of me for the last five minutes.”

“It hasn’t been five minutes,” I teased him, then relented. “Okay, I promise, I won’t make fun of you.”

“Yes you will.”

“No I won’t! God, don’t you trust me by now?”

“I know you now. That’s why I don’t trust you.”

Ouch.

But it was still a little funny.

“Are you talking about the boyfriend thing?” I asked, not sure whether to be incensed or to laugh. “Because I am going to kill you for – ”

He spoke hurriedly, as though to shut me up about Kevin.

“Dumbo. Dumbo makes me cry.”

I fell silent and just looked at him as he quite conspicuously stared at his ice cream cone instead of me.

“You want to make fun of me soooo bad right now,” he said, grinning – but not looking up from his ice cream. “I can feel it.”

I laughed. “You deserve it for that ‘trust me’ crack.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

“What is it about Dumbo that makes you cry?” I asked… and I tried to hold back, but I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. “Is it because his ears are so big, and so are yours?”

(For the record, his ears were absolutely perfect.)

He busted out laughing and pointed at me in righteous indignation. “SEE? I knew it, I knew it – ”

I was giggling and pulling at his arm as he leaned away from me. “I’m kidding, I’m kiiiiiidding, come ONNN – I’ll be good, I promise – what about Dumbo makes you cry?”

He was quiet for a second and then looked back down at his ice cream cone. “It’s one scene.”

And right then, just like that, I knew exactly what he was thinking.

We both said it at the same time:

“The scene with his mother.”

He nodded excitedly as our eyes met. “When she’s in the cage, and he goes up to her late at night – ”

“But she’s locked up inside the cage and can’t see him.”

“And she takes him in her trunk,” he said, getting choked up…

…but so was I. “And she rocks him back and forth.”

“And then when he has to go, their trunks are the last thing to touch.”

“And as he walks away all alone, she waves to him through the bars in the window.”

Suddenly I couldn’t help myself.

I started to cry.

The memory of it – and my own issues with my mother, and with loving and being loved – were too strong.

I wiped my cheeks with my hand and then laughed a little through my tears.

“Now you can make fun of me,” I sniffled.

“I’m not going to make fun of you,” he said quietly.

Then he put an arm around me and pulled me to his side.

I melted into him and rested my head on his shoulder.

He leaned his head against mine and held me like that, side by side, my body shaking a little as I cried.

We stayed that way for at least two minutes, him holding me silently until my tears ran their course.

Looking back, that was when I knew – when I knew, deep down, that I had fallen in love with him…

…and that I loved him, too.

With all my heart.

Even though I still tried to deny it.

49

Nothing happened that night. I think we both knew we had gotten dangerously close to the fire. He walked me back to my dorm room and hugged me good night, and then he walked back home alone to get ready for his job.

I didn’t invite him up, and he didn’t ask. I offered to drive him home, but he declined.

That was probably for the best. My emotions were too raw, too vulnerable. If he had tried to kiss me, I would have given in, completely and with abandon.

And if he’d come up… and if Shanna hadn’t been in the room… I’m not sure what would have happened.

So I was glad he hadn’t come up to the room.

Even so, I ached deep inside until hours later, when I finally fell asleep.

50

Exams approached fast. I tried to study as much as possible, but Derek was a constant distraction – and one I hungered for. He stopped by every day, and I could never say no. He didn’t try to kiss me, he didn’t try to do anything… but just being with him was enough to make me lightheaded. I waited for that knock every day like a starving prisoner waits for his daily rations… and it was like a seven-course meal with a bottle of champagne when I heard it and opened the door to his gorgeous smile.