But she was too afraid, even with what would walk into her room, she was more afraid of the leap.
She was only eight.
The door opened, nightmare within nightmare, dark against dark with only the faintest of light washing behind the shadow of him, giving her his shape without a face.
Daddy’s home. And he sees you, little girl.
Please, don’t. Please, don’t.
The plea was a scream in her head, but she didn’t say it. Saying it wouldn’t stop him, could make it worse. If it could be worse.
His hands were on her now, creeping under the blanket like spiders, skittering along her icy skin. It was worse, horribly worse, when he took time to touch her before . . .
She closed her eyes tight, tried to go somewhere else in her mind. Anywhere else in her mind. But that he wouldn’t allow. It wasn’t enough just to defile, just to abuse.
So he hurt her. He knew how. Fingers squeezing, invading, until she began to weep. When she wept, his breath thickened, the filthy excitement of it clogging the air in the room.
Such a bad little girl.
She tried to push him away, tried to make her body somehow smaller, small enough that even he couldn’t get inside it. And now she begged, too desperate, too terrified to stop herself. And she screamed, a long, broken cry o
f pain, of despair when he pushed himself into her and began to plunge.
Her eyes, swollen with tears, opened. She couldn’t stop them. And she watched, frozen with horror, as her father’s face changed, as the features melted and re-formed.
It was Yost who raped her now, Yost who slipped a silver wire around her throat. And though she was no longer a child but a woman, a cop, she couldn’t stop him.
No air. No breath. The cold trickle of blood on her skin where the shining wire cut into fragile flesh. A roar in her head, a torrent of sound like the world screaming.
She flailed out, using her fists, her nails, her teeth, and was pinned.
“Eve, come back. Eve.”
It was Roarke who held her now, but she was trapped in the dream. He could see her eyes, wild and blind, feel the frantic thunder of her heart. And she was cold, so cold.
He said her name, over and over, pressing her close as if that alone would bring the warmth back to her body. Her fear had him by the throat, like a mad dog that refused to release either of them.
She fought him, gasping for air like a woman drowning, until in desperation he pressed his mouth to hers as if to give her breath.
She went limp.
“You’re all right, you’re safe.” He rocked, comforting them both. “You’re home. Baby, you’re so cold.” But he could not bear to leave her, even to get a blanket. “Hold onto me.”
“I’m okay. I’m all right.” But she wasn’t, not yet.
“Hold onto me anyway. I need it.”
She wrapped her still unsteady arms around him, let her face burrow into his shoulder. “I smelled you. Then I heard you. But I couldn’t find you.”
“I’m right here.” It ripped at him; he couldn’t begin to tell her what it did inside him every time she went back to the horrors of her childhood in dreams. “Right here,” he murmured, pressing his lips to her hair. “It was a bad one.”
“Yeah, as bad as they get. It’s over now.” She drew back, as far as he would allow, and tipped her face up to his. His eyes were dark, emotions burning in them. “Bad for you, too.”
“As bad as it gets. Eve.” He pulled her against him again, heart against heart until the worst of it ebbed. “I’ll get you some water.”
“Thanks.”
When he walked to the kitchen, she let her head fall into her hands. She’d get past it, she told herself. She could always get past it. She’d swallow back the bitter dregs of the fear and get on with things. She’d remember who she was now, and not what she’d been.