Bad Bad Girl

She started a new page on her working manuscript in hopes of finding her magic. She began to type:

Do you want my legs wrapped around you, my teeth in your neck, my moans in your ears?

Do you want to make me gasp, make me moan, make me call out your name?

Do you want me to beg for more? Beg for you to drive yourself deeper?

Do you want my nails to cling to your back?

Do you want me to bite your neck as I feel the strength of your cock deep within me?

Do you want me to cling, to pull, to push my pussy closer to you?

Do you want my gasps to become more frenzied, my moans reaching the point they can no longer be contained?

Do you want to hear me scream? To scream out for more.

Do you want me to scream out for you to make me come?

Do you want me?

Coley ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. It wasn’t right. It didn’t feel right. How many times could she type the words ‘Do you’? She couldn’t help but feel like a fraud. Any day now her editor and her readers would figure it out. The insecurity became too much.

She could write the sex. She could turn words into a lusty scene in seconds. Her problem being, she lacked the ability to tell a love story. She couldn’t find a hero. She couldn’t write of a love affair that would make the reader melt. She tried. She desperately tried to write of a man who would make a woman want nothing more than to have him in her bed. Coley just couldn’t find the hero.

She couldn’t even find him in her real life for that matter. Maybe, that was the issue. She needed to get laid. Better yet, it was time to find love. She needed to kiss a man that made her heart soar. She needed a kiss that would let her know she had found the man of her dreams.

She typed out a short description of the dream kiss. The kiss that her real life hero would give her. Any man who could give her the kiss she imagined, would be the man she’d spend the rest of her life with. The kiss would equal the hero.

Our lips touched. Instant light between us.

They brushed, they tested, they explored.

They connected lightly, unsure of what was to come.

Our lips part, combining our souls.

I take in your breath. You take in mine.

We pause. We look into each other’s eyes.

We feel the kiss, we feel the moment.

We see it in our eyes.

We see the love.

We see the light.

Let’s not wait another moment.

Let’s dive in now.

Let me breathe for you.

You breathe for me.

Come closer. Kiss me again.

Coley closed her laptop. She was done writing for the day. She loved writing, but lately it seemed more like a chore. She needed to find the passion again. She just needed to find passion… period.

She got up and decided to go visit her brother and her best friend, Neely. Their most recent love connection gave her hope that there truly was such a thing as happily ever after. Seeing them always gave her hope that you could still find true love no matter what stage in life you were at.

She had a party she still needed to get ready for. She had decided to throw a birthday party for Matt, an old time friend of hers that she had met through her brother. If she couldn’t write, then at least she could keep herself busy by throwing a party. Surrounding herself with friends would keep her mind off of the fact that she had been alone for some time now. Even though she was known for being free spirited and wild, she deep down wanted more. She wanted the love she used to be good at writing about.

Coley never could commit to a relationship long. She got bored and restless and grew to resent every boyfriend she ever had. Long term relationships didn’t seem to work. It wasn’t something she was good at. Not that she didn’t want it, because she did. She wanted marriage, babies and happily ever after. But as she got older, she started to seriously doubt if she was wired to have it.

The men she had in her life were never enough. Nice, caring, loyal, but they never had enough to make her feel loved. They never had enough to make her feel like a woman. The stories she wrote told a tale of a hero who was everything she wanted. A strong alpha male who would whisk her off her feet and never have her doubt his love for even a second. Was it too much to want this man in real life?

Coley smirked to herself. Being an erotica writer could very well be the death of her love life. Maybe her vision of the perfect man was just that– a vision.