Butterfly (Orphans 1)

I looked up and she smiled.

"You've come so far so fast. It wasn't long ago when you were just a lost child in that orphanage. Now you have a name and a talent. You're going to be someone. Don't give up on me," she said, her voice surprising me with its soft pleading.

"Oh, I won't do that, Mother." How could she fear that I would give up on her?

"Good. Good. When it's settled. We'll work in the morning and then you can enjoy your party. Mildred will decorate the family room," she told Sanford.

"I'd like to help," he said.

"Yes, I suppose you would;' Celine told him, and I could see her scrutinizing him as she often did me, trying to peer inside his mind.

Celine was a sterner teacher than Madame Malisorf. The morning of my birthday, she was waiting impatiently for me in the studio. I was on my way into the studio when Mildred called out to me that I had a telephone call. One of the girls at

school, Betty Lowe, called to talk to me about my party and the five boys I had invited. She said everyone knew how much Josh Brown liked me. My conversation lasted longer than I realized and Celine was annoyed when I joined her in the studio, five minutes late.

"What have I told you about time and its importance when it comes to practice, Janet? I thought you understood," she snapped as soon as I entered the studio.

"I'm sorry," I said. Before I could offer any explanation, she sent me directly to the barre.

I tried but I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't help thinking about my party, about everyone getting dressed up, and about the music and the food. I just knew this party would make the kids I'd invited finally let me into their group. I didn't think I had to do anything more to impress Josh, but just in case, I would be sure to wear my prettiest dress.

As these thoughts flooded my mind, I went through the motions of my routine. Celine rolled her wheelchair over until she was only inches from me and began to criticize my form and tempo.

"You're missing your mark," she said. "No, not so fast. Listen to the music. That landing was too hard! You don't land like an elephant, you float like a butterfly. Relax your knees. No. Stop!" she screamed and covered her face with her hands.

"I'm sorry," I said when she stayed silent. "I'm trying."

"You're not trying. Your mind is elsewhere. I wish Sanford had never thought up this birthday party," she muttered, her normally pretty mouth twisted, her eyes burning with an inner rage that made me look away. "All right," she said finally. "We'll make it up later. Go get ready for your party. I know when I'm fighting a lost cause. Believe me, I know when I'm doing that," she added, still very bitter.

I apologized again, but as soon as I left her behind me in the studio and rounded the corner of the doorway, I ran through the house, up the stairs, and to my room. I wanted to try my hair in a new style and I still hadn't decided on which dress I should wear. I had decided to polish my nails, too. When my first guests arrived, I was still primping and Sanford had to come to my door to tell me it was time to come down to greet people.

The presents were piled up like Christmas gifts under a tree. Mildred had helium balloons on the ceiling with different-colored ribbons dangling. There were birthday decorations on the windows and walls, and the food was so impressive, I heard Mrs. Wilhams wonder aloud what Sanford and Celine would do for a wedding.

A wedding? I thought. Would I become a famous dancer and marry another famous dancer? Would I marry a rich businessman like Sanford? Would I go to college and meet some handsome young man? It was as if my life here was the key to unlocking a treasure chest of fantasies, fantasies that could actually come true!

My new grandparents were the last to arrive. I heard Celine ask about Daniel and saw her mother grimace.

0 "Who knows where he is?" she groaned. ' That's why we're late. He was supposed to drive us."

"Happy birthday," my grandfather said when he saw me standing nearby. He was the one who handed me my present.

"Yes, happy birthday," my grandmother followed. She didn't give me much more than a passing glance before getting into a conversation with the other guests. My grandfather began a discussion with Sanford and I returned to my friends. We danced and drank punch and ate. Josh was at my side most of the time, although suddenly Billy Ross was asking me to dance as well.

Afterward, I cut the huge birthday cake. I had to blow out the candles and everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to me, everyone but my grandmother, who stood staring with a dark, unhappy expression on her face. While we ate cake I opened presents and everyone oohed and ahed over the pretty clothes, the hair dryer, the jewelry. My grandparents had bought me a pair of leather gloves that turned out to be at least two sizes too big.

I hated to see the party come to an end. Josh stayed behind and reminded me I had promised to show him our lake. I told Sanford where we were going and we left the house. It was a bit cool and overcast. I wore my new leather jacket that Sanford and Celine had bought me.

"This is a great house," Josh said. "It's twice as big as mine. And all this land, I could have my own baseball field," he continued. "You're lucky."

"I am lucky," I said. We stood at the crest of the hill, looking down at the lake.

"I'm glad you transferred into our school," Josh said. "Otherwise, I probably wouldn't have ever met you."

"No, you wouldn't have," I said, thinking about where I had come from. I was almost tempted to tell him the truth. He was so sweet, but I was afraid that the moment he heard the word orphan, he would back away and pretend he never knew me.

"Can we go in the rowboat?" he asked when he spotted the boat docked onshore.

"My father doesn't want me to go without an adult, I don't swim," I confessed.