Butterfly (Orphans 1)

"I don't want to hear his name anymore this week. I don't want anything to distract us from our objective, Sanford. Forget about him."

"But your parents. ." he began.

"They'll get over it," she said, and turned to me to talk about the things we should sharpen in my presentation.

Finally, the day arrived. I had trouble sleeping the night before, slipping in and out of nightmares. In most I either fell or got so dizzy in my pirouette, I looked clumsy. I saw heads shaking and Celine shrinking in her wheelchair.

The moment I moved my legs to get out of bed that morning, I felt the pain in my stomach. It was as if there was a fist closing inside me and then my lower back ached so hard and deeply, it brought tears to my eyes. I crunched up and took deep breaths. The warm trickle on the inside of my thigh sent chills of terror shooting down to my feet and bouncing back up through my body to curl in my head and make my brain scream. Gingerly, inches at a time, I reached down, and when I saw the blood on my fingertips, I cried.

"No, not now, not today," I pleaded with my insistent body.

I swung my legs around, but when I put my weight on them, they crumbled and I found myself on all fours, the pain growing worse, nearly taking my breath away. I went on my side and lay there in a fetal position, trying to catch my breath. That was when my door burst open and Celine wheeled herself in, her face full of excitement as she cried, "Wake up, wake up. Today is our day. Wake . .

She froze, her hands glued to the top of her wheels as she stared down at me.

"What are you doing, Janet?"

"It's . . . my period, Mother," I said. "I woke up and I was bleeding. I have such cramps and my back aches. I have a terrible headache, too. Every time I lift my head a little, it feels like steel marbles are rolling around inside me."

"Why didn't you put on the protection I bought you?" she demanded. "You should always be anticipating this. I told you," she insisted when I shook my head.

No, you never told me to do that before I went to sleep every night."

"This is ridiculous. Get up on your feet. Clean yourself and get dressed. I'll have Mildred change the sheets on your bed. Get up!" she screamed.

I heard Sanford pounding his feet on the steps as he charged up our stairway.

"What is it, Celine? Why are you shouting? What's wrong?" he cried and came through the doorway, stopping just behind her. "Janet!"

"It's nothing She's only gotten her period."

"It hurts so much," I wailed.

"Don't be ridiculous," Celine insisted.

"If she says it hurts, Celine . ." Sanford began. "Of course it hurts, Sanford. It's never pleasant, but she's just being melodramatic."

"I don't know. I've heard of young girls practically being incapacitated. My sister had to be brought home from school. I remember--"

"Your sister is an idiot," Celine said and wheeled herself closer to me. "Get up this minute," she ordered.

I struggled into a sitting position and then, using the bed, started to rise. Sanford rushed to my side and helped me stand.

"You're going to ruin the rug. Get into the bathroom. Don't you have any pride?" Celine screamed.

"Stop yelling at her," Sanford urged. He helped me into the bathroom and then stepped out while I cleaned myself and found the sanitary napkins. I had to sit on the closed toilet seat to catch my breath. The pain didn't lessen.

"What are you doing in there?" Celine called. She came to the bathroom door.

I reached for the sink and pulled myself up. Every step brought more pain. I opened the door and looked out at her.

"It hurts so much," I complained.

"It will go away. Get dressed. We're leaving in an hour," she said and spun around.

I started out of the bathroom. The cramps kept me clutching my stomach and leaning over. I tried to move around the room, get my dress from the closet, put on my shoes, but the pain just got worse. The only position that brought any relief was lying on my side and pulling my legs up.

How would I ever dance today? I wondered. How could I perform those leaps and turns? Just the thought of going on pointe brought more pain to my back and stomach. My head was pounding.