Butterfly (Orphans 1)

"They said it was very nice and you would have lots of new friends."

"I made lots of new friends here," I said.

He nodded, his eyes sad.

"I'm sorry, Janet. It breaks my heart. It really does," he said and turned away, but not before I saw the tears in his eyes.

I believed him, but it didn't make any of it easier. In fact, it made it harder.

There was a flurry of activity the following morning. A special-duty nurse arrived to help with Celine, and soon after, the Westfalls visited. Celine's mother gave me little more than a passing glance before she went upstairs to see Celine. Afterward, Sanford and his father-in-law went into Sanford's office to discuss the events at the glass factory. When they were leaving, my grandmother looked in at me in the living room, turned to Sanford, and said, "Celine wasted precious energy to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear."

I wasn't sure what it all meant, but I sensed that she was blaming me.

Later in the day, Sanford sent Mildred up to my room to help me pack my things. I still had not seen Celine because she hadn't come out of her room and her door was always shut, but I couldn't leave without at least speaking to her one more time. I went to the door and knocked. The nurse opened it.

"I have to say goodbye," I told her. She wasn't going to let me in, but Sanford had come up for me and told her it was okay. She stepped aside and I entered.

Celine was in her wheelchair at the window, just gazing out at the front yard. I put my hand on hers and she turned very slowly.

"I'm sorry, Celine. I wanted you to be my mother. I wanted to dance for you."

She simply stared at me as if I were a total stranger.

"I hope you get better real soon. Thank you for trying to make me a prima ballerina."

She blinked.

"It's time," Sanford said from the doorway.

I nodded, leaned over, and kissed Celine on the cheek.

"Good-bye," I whispered.

As I turned, she seized my hand.

"Are there a lot of people out there? Is it a big audience?" she asked,

"What?"

She smiled.

"I'm just warming up. Tell Madame Malisorf I'll be right there and tell her I'm ready. Tell her I've already begun to hear the music. She likes that. Will you tell her?"

"Yes, Celine, of course." I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Thank you," she said and turned back to the window.

For a moment I thought I did hear the music. I remembered what she had told me when we had first met. "When you're good, and you will be good, you will lose yourself in the music, Janet. It will carry you off..

It was carrying me off now.

I looked back at her once and then left her home forever.

Epilogue

When we drove away from the house, I did not look back. I felt as if I was leaving a storybook and the covers were being closed behind me. I didn't want to see my story end. I wanted to remember it forever as it was: bright, warm, full of the magic of flowers and birds, rabbits and squirrels, a fantasy house, my land of Oz.

I sat in the rear of the big car. In the trunk were two suitcases full of my new clothes, shoes, and ballet costumes, as well as my wonderful pointe shoes. At first I didn't want to take anything. I wanted to leave with little more than I had when I had arrived. Then I thought, if I didn't have these things, I would surely wake up one morning and think I had dreamed it all, all the faces, all the voices, even my birthday party.