"Good. Well, the worst is over," he declared. "Now we'll return to a normal life."
What is a normal life? I wanted to ask. Was it a life full of loneliness and fear? Was it a life in which we ignored each other? Thelma wasn't all that different from the day I had arrived. Instead of returning to the real world because of me, she continued to work at getting me to join her in makebelieve. Karl remained steadfast and loyal to his organized schedule. I had met many new kids my age, but many of them seemed even more troubled than I was, and they had always had families!
"I'm going to sleep, too," I said. "Good night."
"Good night. See you in the morning," he called, his eyes still following the words on the page of the magazine in his hand.
I went to my room and got ready for bed. After I slipped under the covers, I leaned back on my pillow and reached for the graphs. I knew what I had written on mine, but I didn't know what was on Bernie's.
His numbers were as high as mine, but what he wrote on the bottom drew my interest.
I have never been strongly attracted to anyone this way before. I wonder if this means Crystal is special or if it is a natural reaction to kissing a pretty girl.
Most everyone else, I thought, would think what he wrote was very strange, but I knew this was the only way Bernie could say "I love you."
For now, it would have to do.
I had great hope for tomorrow.
Tonight, for once, it was easy to close my eyes, dream, and fall asleep.
10 Heart's Desire
Ashley looked frightened when I confronted her at school the next day. Bernie had been afraid that she would go around spreading stories about us, but instead, she was afraid we would spread stories about her.
"Did you stay?" she asked me in a whisper when we met at our lockers in the hallway. She checked to be sure no one could overhear our conversation.
"Yes," I said.
"And did you do it?" she quickly followed. "Of course," I said, slamming my locker shut
and starting for homeroom. She trailed along like a puppy tugged on an invisible leash.
"What happened?" she gasped.
I stopped and spun on her. "If you want to know so much, why didn't you stay?"
"I couldn't," she said, her face looking as if she would break into hysterical sobs any moment.
"Did you tell anyone? Helga, for example?"
She shook her head so vigorously I thought her eyes would rattle.
"Good," I said, continuing on to homeroom. She remained beside me, step for step, until she saw Bernie, and then she lowered her head and went to her seat.
Bernie looked at her and then
at me, his eyes full of questions. I indicated it was all right, and he relaxed his shoulders. He didn't speak to me until we were passing to our first class. When he approached, Ashley stepped away again.
"I can't meet you for lunch today," he said. "I promised to help Mr. Friedman set up his equipment."
"Okay," I said quickly.
"Is everything all right?"
"Yes," I replied.
"Then you'll be at my house the same time tonight?"