“Coley, stop! Watch your mouth and the way you’re talking to me,” Vance warned. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I should have told you.”
“Great, then let me spank your fucking ass for it!”
“Coley…” He gave her the familiar look that normally would have calmed her down.
Coley pulled her arm away and cast fury back in his direction. “Is this why you wanted me to be nice to her?” She put up her hands to stop his reply. “You know what… never mind. I want you to take me home, and I want to stop this conversation right now!”
She turned back toward the window and tried to calm her heart that raced a million miles a minute. Her hands shook and she felt nausea overcoming her stomach. She hated the way she felt. This was the perfect reason why she didn’t allow herself to be vulnerable.
Vance started the engine and pulled away toward home. “Why are you so angry? We all have our pasts. I’m not happy I hooked up with her. It’s not one of my finer moments. But I don’t understand why you’re as angry as you are.”
Coley continued to look out the window. “I see the girls you’ve dated. I’ve seen how they have the perfect body, perfect face and perfect attitude. I’m sick and tired of feeling like I’m less. I’m not them, and I will never be.”
“Since when have you felt less?”
“All the fucking time!”
“You are perfect! You are perfect in every way. You need to stop having these insecurities. Your worries are going to get in the way of a good thing we have going,” Vance lectured.
“A good thing? Maybe for you! I hated the way I felt talking to Sara. She made me feel like I will never measure up!” Coley shook in rage. “I just want to stop having this conversation. We aren’t going to get anywhere.”
The rest of the drive was in silence.
“No need to get out of the truck,” Coley said as she opened the door and let herself out.
Vance opened his door and quickly made his way around the truck and followed Coley to the front door of her house.
“Coley, we need to talk. I see that you’re upset, and it’s killing me. Let’s fix this.”
She inserted her key into the door and turned toward Vance. “Listen, I don’t want to be part of this sick circle of friends any longer. I thought it could work between us. I thought I could accept your lifestyle and all that came with it.” Coley shrugged. “I guess I was wrong.”
Vance placed a hand on each side of her arms and turned her so she was staring directly into his eyes. “You don’t mean this. You’re angry. Sara got your temper going, and you’re saying these things out of anger. Stop, I’m not going to let you end this. End us.”
“Face it, Vance. I’m not like the girls you’ve been with. I’m different, and we were both foolish to think we could make this fairytale actually come true. I’m a realist, and reality is telling me that this book has come to an end.”
Vance’s grip on Coley’s arms tightened. “No. Coley, I love you. I’m sorry if you don’t like that I was with Sara, but that was so far in the past. I can’t change it, but honestly she isn’t even a distant memory. It didn’t last long enough for it to even play a part in my life.”
Coley wiggled herself loose from Vance’s grip. “It’s not about Sara. It’s about the fact that you and I aren’t the same. I don’t think I can give you what those other girls can.”
“What are you talking about? I don’t want them. I don’t want anyone but you!”
Coley took a moment before replying, “But I don’t want you.” She then entered the house, quickly closing the door behind her.
36
Two weeks had gone by with no communication from Vance. Coley’s anger had quickly switched to sadness, heartbreak and devastation. She missed Vance more than anything and secretly wished for him to call her. She wanted him to reach out and fight for what they had created. It tore her heart to pieces seeing that he didn’t care, and that he never tried to get back together. She knew she was the one who slammed the door in his face. She was the one who said it was over, but a part of her thought he would put up more of a fight.
There were many times she picked up the phone to reach out to him. In all fairness, she realized that maybe she was the one who needed to fix what she broke. But she couldn’t risk the chance of rejection. What if he laughed in her face or had already moved on to the next bimbo in the circle of friends? Coley couldn’t take the chance on breaking her heart even more than it had already been broken.