Runaways (Orphans 5)

"What was that?"

"It looked like a kangaroo rat," Crystal said calmly.

"A rat? Why are there rats here?" Raven moaned. "There are no slums or garbage." Crystal laughed.

"It's a different sort of rodent, Raven. They're like a field mouse or something."

"Let them hang out someplace else," she said. "This is their natural habitat, not ours. We're guests."

"Oh, we're guests Thank you, but no thank you, Crystal. I'd rather be a guest in someone's house," she said.

"Me too," Butterfly said. "I wish we were back with Norman and Nana. When I lived with the Delorices, I had grandparents, but they didn't come around very much and I was never asked to stay at their home. I don't think they liked me."

"They probably didn't like the idea of an adopted grandchild," Crystal said. "It wasn't you. They wouldn't have liked anyone your foster parents brought home."

"I tried to get them to like me. I used to dance for them, but they never invited me to their home," she said sadly.

"It was their loss, not yours," I told her.

The four of us pulled closer together. Butterfly curled up and I told her to put her head on my lap if she wanted. She did. Raven sat with her knees up, her head down for a while. Then she sighed deeply.

"We'll always be alone," she said. "No matter what we do, what we try, we'll always end up like this, alone."

"Talk like that doesn't do us any good now, Raven," Crystal advised.

Raven turned on her.

"Just once, Crystal, just once I'd like to see you act like a human being and not some sort of computer shaped like a person. Don't tell me you're sitting here, lost somewhere in the desert with no money, no plan in your brilliant head and you're not feeling just a little sorry for yourself and a lot scared, too. Don't tell me that."

"I'm not," Crystal replied quickly. "I'm probably more frightened than you are. I'm probably more depressed, but I don't see any value in moaning and groaning."

"At least you get it out, Crystal," Raven said. "At least you let everyone know you have the same feelings. That's got some value, doesn't it?"

For the first time in a long time, I thought Raven was right. I think Crystal did too. She was quiet a long moment.

"All right," she said. "I'll admit I'm afraid. I've been afraid lots of times. I remember right after my foster parents died in that car crash and no one wanted anything to do with me, I was terrified. The state people came for me and there I was, off to another facility to live with strangers again. A part of me wanted to throw a tantrum, break down and cry a river, but I didn't."

"Maybe you should have," Raven said.

"Maybe I should have. Maybe people would have treated me more kindly. Maybe it's not so bad to need sympathy and compassion and ask for it," she said. "Maybe I'm not always right."

She stopped and leaned back, her hands behind her head and then quickly wiped a tear from her cheek.

"You don't have to bawl your head off now," Raven said. "I'm not asking for that."

I almost laughed aloud.

"I never told you," Crystal continued, looking up at the sky, "but I often wish I was more like you, Raven."

"You do?"

"Sure I do. I see how popular you are with the boys and I know you're very pretty and someday you'll get someone to fall so much in love with you, he'll give you everything you want. You'll get it all handed to you on a silver platter, Raven. Whereas I, I will have to earn it, to work for it. I don't mind that, but I'd be a liar if I didn't admit it would be easier your way."

Raven stared at her in the darkness.

"Don't you think I'd like to be a little more like you, Crystal? Don't you think I'd like people to see beyond my looks?"

"Maybe we can merge into one person and give each other what we think is positive about each other," Crystal said.