Mama took a deep breath and nodded. She rose, leaned over to kiss Daddy's cheek, and then turned sadly away. I was next. His cheek was still warm and soft to me. I wanted to whisper something. What? What could I say to him now? It came to me in a flash that began somewhere deep in my heart and my memory.
"Good-bye, Mr. Panda," I whispered.
Brenda heard it. I saw her eves flinch and saw the way she raised them quickly toward the ceiling.
"Let's go," she forced herself to say.
Wasn't she going to kiss him? Couldn't she find it in her heart to forgive him?
I waited. Mama started for the door. Brenda stood there. Staring down, and then she went to his side, took his hand in hers, and lowered herself to whisper. too. I didn't hear what she said, but as we left the room. I asked her what it was.
"I told him he was doing this just to prevent getting his ass kicked on the driveway basketball court," she said.
I looked up in surprise. Was that it? Were those all her possibly last words to him?
"And then I told him I loved him," she added.
Ms. Luther was waiting for us in the hallway and hurried to escort us out.
"Where will you be?" she asked, showing some sort of remorse and understanding.
Mama looked stunned by the question and shook her head. "I don't know yet. I. . ."
"We'll stop at that motel we saw on the way here," Brenda suggested quickly.
"Oh, yes."
"Here's the number of your husband's attorney, and here is our number," she added, giving Mama a card with the numbers written on it.
"Weren't you at least given instructions to call us in the event of his passing?" Mama asked.
"That's why I'm giving you these numbers," she replied.
"Gee, how considerate," Brenda muttered loudly enough for her to hear,
"We do only what we are instructed to do," Ms. Luther snapped at her.
"Only following orders? Where have I heard that before?" Brenda mused aloud.
Mama turned her toward the front entrance.
"Let's just go," she said, and we walked back through the lobby and out the door.
We drove directly to the motel we had passed and got two rooms since there wasn't one big enough for the three of us. Brenda and I shared one, and Mama took the one adjoining. As soon as she settled in. Mama called the attorney and spoke with him. We sat on her bed and listened to the conversation.
"Well," she said, turning to us after she was finished talking. "you heard some of it. Your father's plan was to keep us away from all the horror and misery he was going through. He was diagnosed some time ago and given little hope. When his symptoms grew worst, he made a decision to get away from us before they grew severe. The condition did affect his personality, his tolerance level, and his ability to do things for himself. He didn't want us to witness all that degeneration. There are instructions for afterward that included us. I guess the theory was that we would have all the sadness in one blow rather than a prolonged period of it.
"I could never hate him for this." she added, looking more at Brenda than at me.
"I don't hate him. Mama. I hate what's happened to him," Brenda said.
Mama took a deep breath. "I'll just get some rest, and then we'll see about finding a nice place to eat. We should have a good dinner," she said.
Good food always brought some comfort, helped you to feel better inside, I thought.
Brenda and I went to our room to rest. too.
"Did he have to go and hide the videos and take all those pictures from us?" I asked her, still stunned by the events as they were unfolding.