"I should go. too." I said. standing.
"It's not necessary. I think it would be better for you to rest."
Ceila's going, I thought. Why is that necessary and not my going? Brenda hadn't even hugged me yet. She hadn't cried with me or held my hand. If anything, at this moment, she reminded me of Daddy when he had become Mr. Hyde.
"I could go," I said through trembling lips.
"It's very unpleasant. April. I can't take doing this and caring for you at the same time," she replied, almost snapping at me. "Just stay here and, if you want, answer the phone. As people find out, they'll be calling. The funeral will be on Tuesday at ten A.M. at the church. We're not going to entertain anyone after the internment. I'll announce some charity or something where people can make donations in Mama's memory. Probably the cancer society, where we had them donate for Daddy's memory. We'll be home as soon as we're finished.'" she concluded, and left.
I heard them walk out the front door. They closed it softly, but to me, it sounded Eke a gunshot echoing through the house. Being alone was never frightening to me. but I felt myself sink into a panic. Death. Bad Luck, all of it had been and was probably still in the house. It gave me the chills to think about it. My teeth actually clicked. I hurried out of Mama's bedroom, went to my own, and crawled under the covers. I wanted to pull them over my head. Sleep, at least, was an escape. The phone rang often. but I didn't answer it. I was drifting, and even though I heard it, the ringing sounded way off in the distance, easy to ignore.
I did hear Brenda and Celia return. Brenda didn't stop to talk to me. I heard her go directly to her bedroom and close the door. A few moments later. Celia did stop to look in on me. I opened my eyes.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"No," I said in a small voice, and closed my eyes.
I heard Brenda's door open and close again, and then all was quiet. The phone rang and rang a number of times after that. It grew very dark, and finally. Brenda and Celia emerged and began putting on lights and preparing dinner. Celia came back to my room to tell me I should get up, maybe take a shower, and come to dinner. The minister was going to visit us in about an hour. and Brenda expected he might have something to eat with us as well. Shortly after that. Mrs. Maxwell arrived with a pot of her homemade stew and an apple pie. She had been working on food since she had returned from the hospital. She sat with us for a while and was there when the minister arrived.
Brenda listened to him talk to us about God's will, the end of Mama's painful journey, the blessings she had provided for us, the need for us to be strong. She was staring at him with such indifference she made me nervous. It was finally Celia who carried on some conversation. He didn't eat much with us: he discussed the arrangements again, and left. Brenda was unusually quiet. I thought. Her silence frightened me because she looked as if she were holding an explosion under a lid within herself.
"I'm going to bed," she announced, and left us.
"It's all really first hitting her," Celia explained. "She'll be better in the morning."
I helped her clean up. Every once in a while. I found myself looking for Mama, expecting her to appear in a doorway, or expecting to hear her voice. Celia talked about her own mother's death and how she had dealt with it.
"I wasn't in a situation much unlike your own," she told me. "It's impossible to make any sense of it at the time. Even now. when I think back. I find it hard to believe. Don't worry," she said, putting her arm around me. "We'll be here for you. We'll always be here for you,"
How could that be? I wondered. They were college students. What would Brenda do? Where would I go? I couldn't live alone here in the house. Again. I felt terribly selfish for even having these thoughts at this time. My mind should be only on poor Mama and not myself. Feeling exhausted again. I excused myself and went to bed.
I didn't think I'd be able to do it, but my body fooled me. and I fell into a very deep and long sleep, not waking up again until I heard the doorbell ringing and Brenda's footsteps in the hallway. I sat up, saw it was a little past eight in the morning, and slipped my feet into my slippers. I threw on my robe and went to the door. The moment I heard Uncle Palaver's voice, I rushed out. too. He was standing in the entryway. hugging Brenda. Celia was off to the right. They were both in their robes as well.
He saw me coming and held out his right arm so that he could hold the both of us at the same time. I rushed in to hold him as well_ and the three of us stood there.
"You poor kids," he said. "What a time, what a time. I feel so bad that I wasn't here for her."
"She would have chased you out. Uncle Palaver," Brenda said, pulling away and wiping her eyes. "You know that."
He nodded and looked at me. Brenda went for his suitcase, but he insisted he'd carry it himself to the guest room. It was then that Brenda finally realized she hadn't introduced Celia.
"I've heard so much about you," she told him. "I'm so sorry our meeting each other has to be under these circumstances."
"Yes." he said. and went to the bedroom.
Celia rushed off to start breakfast. and Brenda and I went to dress.
At breakfast. Celia recapped all the events as they had occurred. Before she was finished, the phone began to ring,
Mrs. Maxwell was bringing over more food. Our attorney called to talk with Brenda. And those women who had been Mama's friends before she had retreated from society began to call as well, all offering their condolences. The news was really spreading quickly now.
People began to arrive. Uncle Palaver was wonderful when it came to handling all that. Most everyone brought something to eat, as well as flowers and candy. Soon the house was taken over by Mrs. Maxwell and some of the other neighbors. I wandered about, accepting sympathies, listening to advice and expressions of hope, collecting kisses like someone in a church with a plate for charity.
The day seemed never to end. Whenever there was a dry spell, an empty moment. I felt the weight of the fatigue in my body. I dozed off a few times, once in Daddy's office on his leather settee. Unbeknown to me. Celia and Brenda had sat down
to have a serious conversation about me and what we would all do. They weren't troubled by feelings of guilt for doing so. as I was After everyone left the house, the four of us settled down in the living room. and Brenda began.
"I've been speaking with Mr. Weiss, our attorney, who has been in charge of our financial affairs ever since Daddy left us,' she began. "He agrees with me that we should put the house up for sale immediately. We'll sell all the furniture with it. All we need to pack are our personal things. I've already contacted the Salvation Army to come and get Mama's clothes and Daddy's as well."