Where would I be without your help and comfort?" I
reminded her.
"I should have looked after you better, Gabriel.
I should have warned you about the evil that lurks
deep within some people, and I shouldn't have left you
alone so much. It's my fault," she said.
"No it isn't, Mama. I was stupid and blind. I
shouldn't have been wandering around in my own
dreamworld so much."
"It's been hard," she said. "It's like you never
had a father. Be so careful about who you fall, in love
with, Gabriel," she warned. "It's so important. That
first decision decides the road you'll follow, all the
turns and hills, the twists and gullies."
"But, Mama, if you couldn't see the future, how
can I expect to do so?"
"You don't have to see the future. Just don't be
as trusting anymore and don't let your heart tell your
mind to shut up." She rocked and shook her head. "Will Daddy ever change, Mama?"
"Fraid not, sweetheart. What's rotted in his
heart has taken hold of him. Now he's just a man to
endure. Looks like you and I will have to tend to
ourselves."
"We'll do fine, Mama. We always have." "Maybe," she said. She smiled. "Of course we
will," she said, and patted my hand. We hugged and
then talked about other things until we both grew tired
and decided to go to sleep.
I had to pump my breasts again and again; I
conjured the image of baby Paul as I did so. I fell
asleep dreaming of his tiny fingers and his sweet face. Late in the morning Daddy returned. He was