Girl in the Shadows (Shadows 2)

"Sure."

"Really," I said. "I'm fine."

"Maybe we should have the doll in here," he

suddenly suggested.

"What?"

"I don't know. Maybe it adds something." "That's a silly idea. Tyler. Really."

"I'll be right back." he said. rising. He went into

the bathroom and a few minutes later, he returned.

"Let's do it by the book this time," he said.

Had he really studied up on it, read a book on

lovemaking with directions and diagrams?

He sprawled over me, this time not bothering so

much to kiss me. Instead, he lifted my legs and fit

himself comfortably in between them.

"I'll be better," he said. "I'll be better." He entered me slower and then we began to

make love quite differently, with less of a frantic

sense. I closed my eyes and he leaned down to kiss

me.

"Yes," he said. "Yes, this is better. Tell me. Tell

me," he insisted, as if he had to be reassured. "It's better," I said quickly. And it was. I wasn't afraid so much of being like Brenda as

I was of not knowing if I was or if I wasn't. My fear

was I would be in some sort of sexual limbo, never

attracted to anyone, never attractive to anyone. Celia, in an intimate moment, once told me she

had been with men in her youth. "I was just never able

to develop any sort of romantic relationship with any

and after a while. I saw them as human dildos," she

added. It was early on during my time with her and Brenda. and I was actually embarrassed to hear these things. I certainly didn't know what to say. She followed it with her short but melodic little laugh and never spoke of it again. I said nothing about it to

Brenda.

I thought about it now, however, and wondered

if what Tyler and I had just done meant we would