Sandy's screaming turned Ralston away from the scene and made him snap an order at Nurse Gordon. He and she left the room to see about the commotion,
"Daddy..." Grace managed. ".., gave it to me."
"I know. Someone must have just seen it and taken it by mistake. I'll turn the clinic inside out until I find it for you. I promise. Grace."
She looked only slightly relieved. My overwhelming love for her had blinded me to the fact that she was still quite emotionally frail and delicate. I was so angry at myself. Willow. I had so wanted Grace to be strong and healthy for me that I avoided all the signs telling me otherwise. If anything should have brought home my professional neglect and malpractice. this should have been it.
It did and I vowed to myself that I would pull back and spend more time as her doctor and not as her lover. I could see her realizing and perhaps hoping this was so. too. She looked at me with the sort of plea and desperation in her eyes that I had seen in many of my other patients: this cry for help that even they didn't realize they were making.
Of course, I would be dishonest if I didn't tell you that I was afraid she would either do or say something which would reveal our relationship. Ralston was back in the room. I gave her the sedative and urged her to sleep. promising I would find her teddy bear. She said nothing. She turned her head and soon afterward she fell asleep.
"I have noticed a change in her these past few weeks. Claude," Ralston said when we both stepped back. "Maybe you're reducing her medications too quickly." he suggested.
"I'll look into it," I said, not wanting to get too deeply into her situation at that moment.
The hallway was cleared. Sandy was medicated and the other patients were guided back to their activities. Nadine Gordon joined us in the hallway.
"Do you know anything about this teddy bear of hers?" I asked quickly.
"I haven't seen it. but I haven't gone looking for it, either," she said.
"What about Sandy?" Ralston asked. Have you checked her room?"
"Not yet. but I will," she said. "I have noticed that Gr
ace Montgomery was more agitated these days and that was after her medications had been corrected." she added before I could say anything, "She hasn't done anything in the arts and crafts room. She doesn't have the patience to read or watch television lately, either. I was going to bring it to your attention at our next patients' meeting. I don't believe we are at the proper dosages with her yet." she added,
-Claude?" Ralston asked.
"Yes," I said. "She's right. I'll reconsider her medications and get on it." I said,
"What a shame. The girl was making such progress. I actually thought you would please her mother very soon." Ralston said.
"I did as well." Nadine interjected. She held her eyes on me a moment, and then she added. "I'll search Sandy's room."
We watched her leave,
"Careful. Claude." Ralston advised in a very unspecific way. "Wings of wax." he muttered and left me standing outside Grace's doorway, feeling as if I were truly in the midst of a great descent.
9
The Teddy Bear's Arm
.
The teddy bear was nowhere to be found.
Willow. I literally did turn the clinic inside out, spending every available minute looking for it. I had the kitchen staff search every cabinet and shelf. I ordered the attendants to look under every bed. I had Joan Richards take apart her arts and crafts area, and then I had the custodians search the outside of the clinic, especially under or around every window.
How could such a thing disappear into thin air? It was puzzle enough for me, but to Grace it began to corroborate one of her old fears and revive problems I thought we had resolved, When Jackie Lee heard about Grace's regression, she threatened to take her from the clinic and have her put somewhere else. She phoned me, shouting hysterically at times.
"Why did this happen? She was almost cured, wasn't she? Maybe I was right. It was time to take her out. Maybe the longer she is around those other disturbed people, the worse it will be for her,' she said, practically lunging at me through the phone.
"No, no. Jackie Lee," I said. "If she can have this sort of setback while she is here, it could be worse for her and for you if it happened out there," I reasoned. It gave her some pause.
"Well, what do you expect now? What are you going to do about this?"
"I'm reviewing her treatments. Give me a little time."