"I'll be in school by third period." he promised and said good night.
I fell asleep faster than I expected I would. I was anticipating a night of tossing and turning, my bed becoming a small rowboat on a wild sea of dark dreams. When I heard the commotion in the hallway. I thought I was trapped in some nightmare. It took me a few moments to realize I wasn't asleep and that it was all really happening.
I got up quickly and went to m door. Miguel, in his pajamas pants but with his jacket and shoes on, was charging down the corridor toward the stairway.
"What's going on?" I called.
"Oh. Hannah." he said. "Your mother is in a panic. She woke up and looked at little Claude and is convinced that he wasn't breathing. It's all the fault of that damn intern who put SIDS in her head."
"SIDS? What's that?" I asked.
"Sudden infant death syndrome." he muttered. "I'm getting the car ready. We're taking the baby over to the hospital to have the doctor check him out. Your mother won't sleep a wink if we don't."
"But what is..."
He continued down the stairs. I walked down to Mommy's bedroom. She had her coat on over her nightgown, and she was holding little Claude.
"What happened, Mommy?" I asked.
She was staring down at him and gently rocking him. I couldn't believe she hadn't heard me.
"Mommy?"
She looked up quickly. "What? Not now. Hannah!" she cried before I could utter another sound. "Just go to sleep. I have to take the baby to the hospital."
"But--"
"Where's Miguel? What's taking him so long?"
"What's SIDS?" I asked her.
Her eyes went wide with terror.
"Why did you say that?"
"I just spoke--"
"It's not that! It can't be. Can it?" she asked, looking down at little Claude as if she expected he would begin to speak intelligent sentences and reply to her question and concern. She continued to rock him gently.
I had never seen her so unhinged. Was this the same woman who coolly and intelligently evaluated other people's hysteria and emotional crises, the woman who was always there for me before, helping me cope with the disappointments I had with my father's family and with my half brothers?
When she looked toward the doorway where I was standing, she didn't appear to see me at all. Her face was contorted, her lips twisted, her eyes still very wide and wild,
"Okay." I heard Miguel say behind me, and I stepped back. He came charging into the bedroom and guided Mommy out. She didn't even glance at me as she passed me in the hallway. I followed behind them slowly and watched as they descended. Miguel lunged to open the front door, and a moment later they were gone.
My heart stopped pounding. but I knew I wasn't going to fall asleep again, not for a long time. Instead. I went to my computer and pulled up my encyclopedia to read about SIDS. According to what was written, I learned that it was a medical disorder that claimed the lives of nearly 3,000 babies one week to one year of age in the U.S. each year. It had also been called crib death and occurred during sleep, striking without any real warning, even though the babies appeared to be healthy. The cause, according to the article, remained vague.
I read on about the recommendations
concerning prevention, but nothing seemed to be a 100 percent guarantee. How horrible. I thought. A mother like Mommy could live within the confines of this terrible nightmare for well into a year before the fear was reduced.
Surely, this would reinforce her belief that a curse hung over this family. Maybe it did. I thought. Maybe it wasn't so foolish to think so after all.
I dozed off and on for hours. Just before the light of day I heard them return and come up the stairs. They both looked exhausted.
"What happened?" I asked. Miguel helped Mommy down the hallway. She didn't turn to me. He looked back,
"We left him there for observation. Just a day," he said. I heard Mommy groan.