I handed him the paper. "I don't go anywhere on a school night," I said with a finality that made his shoulders sag,
"Oh. Your father's like a general or something, isn't he?"
"No," I said, laughing with good justification this time. "The navy doesn't have generals. Admirals. My father is a lieutenant commander, an instructor in Heliops."
"Huh?"
"Helicopters.''
"Oh."
"Don't look so worried. The last time he bit someone, there was no sign of rabies." I added.
"I just thought we would be more comfortable at my place:"
"I'm very comfortable at home. I have my own room. No one will bother us. I promise." I said "All we're going to do is study anyway, so why worry?"
"Right," he said. He glanced at the group of students hovering around Wendi and Penny and then smiled at me and said he would be there at seven.
Before the end of the day I saw him again. He gave me a big smile and waved on his way to baseball practice. I knew he was one of the school's star pitchers and there was one more big game to be played. I had yet to attend one and thought that I just might go to this game. scheduled for Friday at the home. field.
Despite my determination not to let our study session be anything else but that. I couldn't help feeling excited about it. I tried to be as casual and nonchalant as I could when I informed Mommy that Trent was coming to study with me. Daddy was still at work, and then he called to say he wouldn't be home for dinner. He had a meeting with his command to plan an elaborate exercise. At dinner Mommy asked me about Trent, and I told her he was the boy Autumn had a big crush on. I explained haw popular he was, a star on the baseball team, and very goodlooking. I added that I had told him how seriously I took my studying for tests, practically growling about it.
She smiled to herself as if she knew something about me that I didn't know.
I went on and an about how helping someone study reinforces everything for yourself. She listened and nodded but kept that soft smile on her lips.
"What?" I finally cried. "I know you've been laughing at me. Mommy."
"I'm not laughing at you, Grace. I think you're cute justifying a study session with this boy. You let slip how good-looking and popular he is, not to mention what a hero he is on the baseball team. You like him, don't you?"
"I don't know him enough to like him. Mommy."
"Okay." she said, and then dropped the smile from her lips and looked hard at me. "Don't let what happened to Autumn Sullivan dominate your relationships with boys. honey. Keep it all in mind, be cautious, but don't be afraid of yourself. Do you know what I mean? I want you to have fun. too. There's a balance you have to find. If you make every boy you meet feel like he's a rapist, you won't ever have any good times, and before you know it, you'll have left all the opportunities behind and never have a real youth. With all the moving we've done, I'm always afraid you will miss out on the fun."
"How do you find the balance?" I asked.
"You'll find it. You've got a good head on your shoulders. Just listen to all the little voices and warnings and take your time before you place your trust in anyone. That's the best advice I can give."
"Didn't Autumn's mother give her any advice. Mommy?"
She shrugged. "Maybe not. honey. Some people are afraid of bringing any of this up. They have this faith that somehow, miraculously, everything will turn out all right. I don't think Autumn had too good a selfimage, either, do you? She was too desperate for acceptance. At least, that's what I've concluded after listening to her mother talk about her."
"Yes," I said I started to help her clean up.
"Go on. Prepare for your study session." she said. "There's not much to do here. and I know how you are about your room whenever anyone, not to mention a handsome young man looks at it."
She winked and nudged me with her shoulder.
I smiled at her and then went to my room. Nervously, I set it up, placing two chairs at the desk, then thinking they were too close, then too far away. I adjusted the blinds, debated about how much light we needed, fixed my bed until it looked as snappy as a military bunk, cleaned the vanity mirror, dusted, set out my books and my notebook, started to plan a strategy for studying our history notes, checked myself in the mirror, brushed my hair, debated about putting on lipstick, thought about putting on same cologne, and then finally sat and stared at the clock. It was five minutes to seven. The guard at the gate would be calling any moment to let us know we had a visitor.
Wendi and Penny were sure to find out about this. I thought. I wondered if it would raise my status in their eyes or simply frustrate them more. They had done their best to isolate me from the other students who came from naval families, as well as many of the students in our class, portraying me as snobby. That was ironic. Who in the school was more conceited than those two? I knew that my shyness was often misinterpreted that way, however, so I realized they were having success. This would be their first big failure, and it hadn't come too soon with the school year's end just around the corner.
I began to ad- antsy at five after seven. I told myself not to get upset, civilians didn't have the same commitment to time and schedules as we did. When someone in the Navy was told to report at thirteen hours, he or she was there at the striking of the hour. Lateness was almost as sinful as disloyalty.
However, by seven-fifteen I was seriously concerned, even a bit angry. I opened my notebook and began to review the day's new material, trying not to look at the time or think about it At twenty-five after seven. Mommy knocked on my door.
"Didn't you say he was coming at seven?" she asked. "Yes. He was supposed to be here by then."