"Just some college brochures." I said, holding them up. He came into the room and looked at them.
"USC? You'd go to college as far away as Los Angeles?"
"We did a great deal of traveling. Kirby. Going to California isn't so overwhelming to me. For a while we lived in San Diego."
"Right. I know, but that's clear across the country. We'd miss you." he said. He had a different sort of look in his eye, almost a look
of true sadness.
"Right."
"No. I mean it." he insisted, "We've become quite a threesome, and even though I know I'm dominating your time. I enjoy it. I hope you do. too."
"I do," I said, "otherwise I wouldn't be doing anything with You."
He smiled. "Why do you have to be so literal, so serious, Grace? I think that's part of your problem."
"What problem?"
"Making new friends. socializing. Can I be honest with you?" he asked, sitting beside me on the bed.
"That's all I ever want you to be with me, Kirby," I countered.
He smiled and shook his head. "You know, you make me feel we're batting a tennis ball back and forth whenever we talk these days. I suspect you're like that with most of the .guys who try to get to know you You're too defensive."
I turned away quickly, and he put his hand on my arm. "I don't mean to hurt you. Grace. but I hope we've gotten so we can talk to each other from the heart. Have we?"
I looked at him and nodded,
"Well, you give off this air of superiority."
I started to protest, but he put his hand up. "I watch you whenever we have guests here, especially guests who bring young sons along. You're always condescending, speaking to them like you're sitting atop a mountain." He thought a moment, his eyes darkening. "Can I ask you something very personal?"
"You can ask. but I don't know if you'll get an answer," I said.
"See? Okay. You've never been with anyone, have you?"
I looked back at him sharply. "What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean. Grace. You're nearly twenty-two, and I suspect you're far more intelligent than I am. so I know you understand the question."
"What difference does it make whether I've been with someone or not?"
"A lot of difference. I really don't think you are a snob. Grace. I think you're just frightened."
"Frightened?" I started to laugh.
"Of life, of experiencing it fully."
My smile flew away. "What are you doing, taking courses in psychology?"
"No, my school has been real life, no formal courses in anything. Well?"
"I don't think it's necessary for you to know the answer to that question. Kirby."
"Okay," he said with a shrug. All I wanted to do is assure you that there is nothing to be afraid of when you give something of yourself to someone."
The tears that burned at my eyes were coming up too fast for me to stop. "You don't know what you're talking about." I said. "You don't know whom I gave myself to and what I gave and what happened afterward. Just leave me alone." I moaned,