hiding? She would surely blame herself for this, too.
and I feared she would blame me for something
unspeakable. I was too ashamed and felt far too guilty.
Dr. Anderson had been struggling to get me to open
that final secret door, but I had resisted even though I
blew he had some deep suspicions and would not stop
until he had succeeded.
I hadn't just had sex with Kirby, my mother's
husband.
Although I wasn't showing yet. I knew I was
pregnant..
I couldn't be more positive about it and more
terrified of revealing anything, especially to Mommy. .
How many times over the next two months did
I try to convince myself it wasn't my fault? How many
times was it on the tip of my tongue to tell her
everything? Every time I thought I could do it I heard
myself questioning myself. Was it your fault? Were
you flirting- with him as he had once said? Did you
have to spend all that time doing- things with him?
Did you have a crush on him? Why didn't you scream
more, fight more when he kissed you like a lover
kisses a -woman that first time? And if you were
raped, why did you wait so long to reveal it? Why
did you let your mother sleep with the man who had
done this to you? Why didn't you have the decency,
the loyalty, to protect her? How do you look at
yourself in the mirror every day?
Fortunately Kirby was really gone from our
lives, mostly. Mommy thought, out of fear of being