I started to shake my head, and then there it was, a tender to bring us out to that big beautiful aircraft carrier that waited beyond,
"Here we go," Daddy said.
We walked toward the end of the dock. I started to look back, but Daddy said. "Don't look back now. Sailor Girl, Not until you're aboard. It makes it too hard to leave."
"Okay, Daddy."
A sea gull came flying over the water suddenly and veered right aver us, sailing with the wind, its beak slightly open, its eyes sewn shut.
I squeezed Daddy's hand harder, and he held mine tighter.
"Okay," he said when we reached the end. "This is it. Turn now and salute."
I did, watching him. We saluted together, two fingers, looking back at the house.
Mommy appeared to be standing there now.
"Grace!" she screamed, "What are you doing?"
"Don't answer," Daddy said. "They never want you to leave. If it was up to them we would never go on any assignments. I can't blame them, but we can't let it get to us. Let's go." he said, and we both stepped off the dock and onto the tender.
It was so cold,
"It's so cold," I said.
Daddy didn't reply.
"'Daddy, it's so cold! Why is it so cold?" Where was he?
"You fool, you damn fool." I heard, and felt an aim around my waist.
Mommy's face was beside mine, and she was struggling, spitting water, but she wouldn't let me go. The wave picked us up and tossed us both, and a moment later I felt sand beneath my feet. Mommy was tugging and screaming. and I was so confused.
Someone else was there, one of the male servants. He had his arm around my waist now and lifted me like a baby. Then he lowered me to the beach and fell beside me, breathing hard. I was coughing and spitting out sea water. Mommy was sitting
there, looking so silly, I thought, her hair down, her nightgown nearly completely off, her body twisted,
"Why... did you do that. Grace? Why?" she demanded. I think she was crying, although it was hard to tell the difference between her tears and the sea water dripping out of her hair.
"I was going with Daddy," I said. coughing. "He had come for me." I looked out at the sea. "I don't know where he is now," I said.
The tender was gone, and so was the beautiful aircraft carrier. He had left without me.
Once again.
He had left without me. Epilogue
I remember thinking Mommy gets everyone to make house calls. There was my psychiatrist. Dr. Anderson. at my bedside, just the way Dr. Cook had been,
"How are you. Grace?" he asked.
I also remember thinking, how can he be talking to me? Surely he can't see me anymore, and surely it would do no good for me to reply. He wouldn't be able to hear me. I looked away.
"Your mother says you've been talking about your father a great deal these days."
Daddy? Yes, of course, I thought.
"You've even seen him, she says. Is that true, Grace?" I nodded. Maybe the doctor did see me.