For me." she said, her eyes glassing over with tears, "it was really the end.
She closed the door between us. and I thought how deep and secret is the pain some women carry at the very bottom of their hearts.
.
The day began with the musical sound of bells, bells, bells. Bells were everywhere, including in my imagination. Doorbells, rehearsal bells, the ringing- of phone bells. The house soon resembled the backstage of some Broadway show. Bunny had asked for a guest room for herself and Asher to use as a changing room and also as a salon to greet people during the day. She brought along her hairdresser and someone to help with her makeup. A small army of valets arrived to handle the parking of cars. The caterers set up and began to dress up the various food stations. A half dozen bartenders arrived, and then a meeting was held with the waiters and waitresses, spelling out how they were to serve and clean up. Bunny insisted that not an empty glass or a discarded dish be left on a table more than a minute.
I didn't hear from Thatcher all clay, but Whitney and Hans and their children arrived early and came to see me. "before it all begins, while we still have the proper time to wish you well." Hans said. Whitney remained silent, looking at me as she would through a mask. "Welcome to the family," Hans added. Whitney muttered an assent and gave me the coldest, quickest hug, one that left me questioning whether or not it had even occurred. The children were polite but so stiff they seemed propped up like pieces of scenery. It was a relief when they all left.
I wanted air, but every time I emerged from my suite. Bunny pounced on me. insisting I remain in seclusion,
"Tell her. Grace," she cried, enlisting Mother as an ally. "Tell her how she has to remain fresh and calm.
For once. Mother sided with her. Even
Amou agreed I should not involve myself in anything but myself.
"Today is a day to dote on yourself. Willow. You're truly queen for a day today." Bunny cried, and waved her hand as though she held a magic wand in it to carry out her wishes.
I retreated. I was too nervous to greet people and be involved in any last-minute decisions anyway. Time felt like maple syrup, dripping- its seconds and minutes along so slowly. I could look at the clock twice and see the hour and minute hands on the same numbers.
I ate very little, and what I did eat threatened to march right back up and take its original place on the plate. It was hard enough to hold down a glass of water. Amou nursed some food into me, telling me if I tried to do everything on a completely empty stomach. I would surely faint away,
"Just last year I saw a bride pass out at the altar." she said. ''My cousin's daughter. It took nearly half an hour to get her back on her feet, and she was wobbly throughout the rest of the wedding."
"That sounds like one of your famous stories, Amou, the sort you would lay on me when I was a little girl and resisted eating or taking a bath, like that little girl you knew who had a nest of beetles under her dirty arm."
She laughed, and swore it was the truth about the bride fainting. In the end. I ate something and held it down.
Suddenly. I realized I had neither seen nor heard anything about Linden all day. so I asked Mother about him. She smiled, but her eyes revealed some concern.
"He's been secluded in his studio. I know he had some lunch," she added. "This is not a day for you to be worrying about him anyway. Willow. Let me do that. I'll help him with his tuxedo and bow tie. He'll be fine." she assured me, but it came out like a prayer.
Finally, it came time to do my hair and makeup and get dressed. I tolerated only Mother and Amou in the room and locked the door against any other entrant. especially Aunt Ants and Margaret. By now. Bunny was too involved in herself to care about anyone else, and for once I thought her selfishness was good.
Periodically, I gazed out the window at the reception area below and began to see guests arriving, all the men in black tie, the women in gowns fresh from Paris, New York. and London. I spotted Marian and her husband and the women of the Club d'Amour with their escorts. Then I saw Professor Fuentes arrive alone. Mr. Bassinger and his wife, and Mr. Ross with his. I felt like a performer peeking through the curtains at the audience. The orchestra began to play. My heart began to pound so hard. I thought I would surely be just like the woman in Amou's tale of warning and faint at my own altar.
The woman Bunny had hired to supervise the wedding reception. Robin Monroe, knocked on my door and declared. "It's time far the bride to make her way down." Her voice was so deep and formal, it sounded like I was being called to an execution. I had already had my last meal.
Both Mother and Amou turned to me and smiled. I rose and, with my head bowed, began my walk,
"You look so beautiful." Mother whispered. She squeezed my hand.
Amaze walked beside us. Never had she looked more stately and strong to me. How lucky I was to have her at my side again. I heard the wedding march begin. Mother and I hugged Amou. who went out to take her seat, and then we started down the steps to the aisle. I'd had no concept of what six hundred people would look like, all their eyes turned on me. For a moment I thought all the air had gone out of my lungs. I don't know how my legs held me up and were able to continue moving forward, but they did.
There, ahead of me was Thatcher with Linden at his side, both looking handsome in their tuxedos,
"Here you go," Mother whispered. It almost sounded like she was saving it to herself.
I took another deep breath and stepped forward, entering the glow of Thatcher's smile and just glimpsing Linden's eyes a-dazzle with a glow of wonder. For a split second. I had the feeling he thought it was he who was the groom and not Thatcher. It was like a finger tickling behind my heart, and then my eyes went forward, the minister began, and all else. everything I had thought and worried about all day, disappeared in the rhythm of his voice and the meaning of his words.
.
''Congratulations." Professor Fuentes said. He hesitated a split second, then leaned forward to kiss my cheek.
I introduced him to Thatcher.
"You are the only man who has spent more time with her than I have," Thatcher declared. "Of course. I approve."