The definiteness of their conclusion annoyed Mayfair for some reason. Perhaps they were jealous, she thought. Leo had concentrated on her mostly. She wondered if she sounded as arrogant as they did when she offered an opinion. Was it simply in their nature to be that way, something that came from their confidence that whatever they said had to be certain, had to be true?
“I’m not sure we gave it enough time,” Mayfair said after a moment.
“There are some conclusions that don’t require much time to be reached,” Donna said.
“What makes you so sure this was one of them?” she fired back, now not hiding her annoyance.
“All this is hypothetical anyway,” Corliss added. “He won’t be there tonight, and even if he was, the chances are he’d ignore us. We didn’t give him enough satisfaction.”
“And you know this because . . .”
Corliss smiled. “Experience, and before you say it, some things don’t require all that much experience.”
Mayfair nodded.
“Why don’t we wait a week or so and do it again?” Corliss suggested. She could see the displeasure on Mayfair’s face. “Fresh eyes.”
“Good idea,” Donna seconded.
“Whatever,” Mayfair said. She knew they were looking for a compromise that would save everyone’s ego.
“Thanks for bankrolling us,” Corliss said. “We’ll pay you back when our parents send us some money or come to visit.”
Mayfair nodded. The small knot of contradictory emotions seemed to tighten inside her. She ate silently, listening to them talk about their work, their letters from home. She thought about her emails from her stepsister. The girl relies too much on my advice, Mayfair thought. I don’t have the experience Donna and Corliss refer to, and I certainly don’t feel qualified to give her any guidance when it comes to boys. Her mother is a waste of time for her, though, and there is just so much my father can do for her.
She looked around the dining hall. Most of the other students were in animated conversations about their favorite subjects. From the way the listeners at these tables reacted, she thought most were really talking to themselves. Everyone here thought what he or she had to say was more important than what the others were saying. They never stopped competing for attention and the superior position.
“Once in a while,” she blurted, as if Corliss and Donna were able to hear her thoughts, “it might be a good idea to plant an ordinary student in here. He or she could be a normal A student, but the contrast might help us geniuses come back to earth.”
The two stared at her as if she had just landed from another planet.
“We’ve been through all that, Mayfair,” Donna said. “They’d either be bored or intimidated by us.”
“And most people here don’t have the patience to explain every word said,” Corliss added. “It would be a form of punishment to put a so-called normal A student in this place. I’d feel sorry for him or her. It would be like throwing Christians to the lions.”
“So we’re destined to live in our own minds,” Mayfair said. “Is that it?”
“Whatever,” Donna said. “I plan on being very rich. I don’t care about fame.”
“Sounds good to me,” Corliss added, smiling. “Run again tomorrow morning?”
“Sure,” Donna said. “Mayfair?”
“We’ll become Dr. Marlowe’s little darlings,” Mayfair said, sounding neither positive nor negative.
They waited for her to answer.
“Sure,” she said, relenting. “All progress requires some form of sacrifice and punishment.”
“Heavy, heavy,” Corliss joked.
They left to go their separate ways. No matter what Mayfair did that afternoon, however, she found her mind drifting, not that any of her teachers would notice. Unlike at a regular school, no one ever pointed out that you weren’t paying sufficient attention. The teachers at Spindrift were very subtle when it came to directing a drifter toward one topic or another. The philosophy was simply that the student had to make up his or her mind solely on the basis of his or her own inclinations. You chose your own path, and they simply helped guide you toward your own goals. If you looked bored with what you were doing, they expected that you would change direction on your own.
Mayfair told herself she was still exploring her options when it came to what she wanted to do with her life, what subject she could be passionate about; but deep inside herself, she lived in fear that she would never find one, never discover a path or a direction, and simply float in this universe of knowledge like an asteroid, without any destination. She thought she was a true drifter.
On the other hand, Corliss and Donna seemed to be moving toward something, despite their attempts to sympathize with her and claim that same fear. Those two were more centered, perhaps because they had real family. Losing her mother when she was young, her father remarrying a woman who basically feared and despised her, and her distance both mentally and emotionally from her stepsister left her feeling quite a bit more alone than her two friends. They had every reason to be more cautious and determined. They really wanted to please someone else besides themselves.
She had her father, of course, but was pleasing her father important anymore? She felt like an astronaut whose last tie to the space station had snapped the day she was brought here. Her father’s rationalizations and sincere emotions lingered, but only for a while, like the echo of a laugh, the image of a smile, and the whisper of “I love you.”