Dawn (Cutler 1)

"Oh, Philip, it's everything you promised. I feel like I'm on top of the world!" I cried.

"You are and you should be," he said. He leaned toward me and we kissed, a very long kiss. Before it ended I felt the tip of his tongue press against mine. It shocked me at first and I started away, but he held me firmly and I let him continue.

"Didn't you ever French kiss?" he asked.

He laughed.

"I do have a lot to teach you. Did you like it?"

"Yes," I whispered, as if it were a sin to admit it.

"Good. I don't want to go too fast," he said, "or scare you like I did the last time we were here."

"I'm all right. My heart is just pounding," I confessed, frightened it would cause me to faint.

"Let me feel it?" he said, bringing his fingers to my breast slowly. But then suddenly his hand was at the bottom of my sweater, his fingers gliding underneath and coming up to my bra. I couldn't help getting tense.

"Easy," he whispered into my ear. "Relax. You'll enjoy it. I promise."

"I can't help being nervous, Philip. I never did this with any other boy but you."

"I understand," he said. "Easy," he whispered in a soothing voice. "Just keep your eyes closed and lean back. That's it," he said when I closed my eyes. He slipped his fingers under the elastic material and gently lifted it from my naked bosom. I felt a rush of heat just before he brought his lips to mine again.

I moaned and leaned back. Contradictory voices were crying out. One, sounding like my mother, demanded that I stop, that I push him away. For some reason Jimmy's angry eyes flashed before me. I recalled the way Daddy had gazed sadly at Philip when I had asked him if we could go for pizza.

Philip started to lift my sweater.

"Philip, I don't think—"

"Easy," he repeated, lowering his head so he could bring his lips to my breast. When they touched me, I felt as though I would burst with excitement. I felt the tip of his tongue begin to explore.

"You're delicious," he said, "so fresh, so soft."

His other hand began to make its way under my skirt. Wasn't this all happening too quickly? I thought. Did the other girls my age let boys touch them under their clothes like this? Or was I being the bad girl they gossiped and lied about?

I envisioned Clara Sue's hateful face before me when she said, "My brother makes girls like you mothers once a month."

Philip's fingers found the bottom of my panties. I twisted my legs away from him.

"Dawn . . . you don't know how long I've dreamt of this. This is my night . . . your night. Relax. I'll show you . . . teach-0u." He brought his lips to the nipple of my breast and I felt myself sinking back, giving in like someone losing consciousness. His other hand was in my panties. How do girls resist? How do they stop it once the feelings get so strong? I wanted to stop it, but I felt so helpless. I was drifting, losing myself in his kisses and his touch and the way it brought heat to my breasts and into my thighs.

"I want to teach you so much," he whispered, but just at that moment the light from another car's headlights exploded over us, and I screamed.

Philip pulled back instantly, and I sat up to straighten my clothing. We turned to see the second car pull very close to ours.

"Who is it?" I asked, unable to hide my fear. I rushed to bring down my sweater.

"Aw, it's just one of the other guys from the baseball team," Philip said. "Damn it." We could hear the radio playing in his friend's car, and we could hear the laughter of girls. Our precious, private place had been invaded; our moment violated. "They're probably going to bug us soon," Philip said angrily.

"I thought this was your special place, Philip," I said. "I thought you found it accidentally."

"Yeah, yeah," he said. "I made the mistake of telling one of the guys about it one day, and then he told someone else."

"It's getting late anyway, Philip, and with Momma sick . . . I'd better get back."

"Maybe we can go someplace else," he said, not hiding his disappointment and frustration. "I know other spots."

"We'll come back some other time," I promised and squeezed his arm. "Please. Take me home."