"I'm not sure, Grandmother," I replied, "if what you admire is ever going to be important to me."
She pulled herself back as if I had splashed her with ice-cold water, her eyes turning distant and hard again instantly.
"If that's all, I think you had better go. Thanks to you and your meddling, I have a lot to do. You'll be informed as to when you will be leaving," she added.
I stood up slowly.
"You think you can determine everyone's lives so easily, don't you?" I said bitterly, shaking my head.
"I do what I have to do. Responsibility for significant things requires me to make hard' choices sometimes, but I do what is best for the family and the hotel. Someday, when you have something important to take care of and it requires you to make either unpleasant or unpopular choices, you will remember me and not judge me as harshly," she said, as if it were important to her that I have a better opinion of her.
Then she smiled.
"Believe me, when you need something or you get into trouble for one reason or another, you won't call on your mother or even my son. You'll call on me, and you will be happy that you can," she predicted.
What arrogance, I thought, and yet it was true—even from my short stay here I could see that she was responsible for Cutler's Cove being what it was.
I spun around quickly and walked out, unsure as to whether I had won or lost.
Later that afternoon Randolph came to see me. It had become more and more difficult to think of him as my father now, and this just when I had begun to adjust to the idea. From the look on his face I could see that my grandmother had told him of her decision to send me to a school for performing arts.
"Mother just told me about your decision to go to New York. How wonderful, although I must say, I will be sad to see you go off when you've really only just arrived," he complained. He did look somewhat upset by the idea, and I thought how sad it was that he didn't know the truth, that I as well as my mother and Grandmother Cutler kept him fooled. Was that fair? How fragile the happiness and peace was in this family, I thought. His devotion to my mother
would surely dwindle to nothing if he knew she had been so unfaithful. In a sense everything was built on a lie, and I had to keep that lie alive.
"I've always wanted to go to New York and be a singer," I said.
"Of course you should go. I'm just teasing you. I'll miss you, but I'll come visit you often, and you'll be back for all the holidays. How exciting it's going to be for you. I've already told your mother, and she thinks it's a wonderful idea that you get formal training in the arts.
"She wants to take you shopping for new clothes, of course. I've already arranged for the hotel car to be at your disposal tomorrow morning so the two of you can go from shopping center to shopping center."
"She feels up to it?" I asked, hardly hiding my disdain.
"Oh, I've rarely seen her as chipper as she is now. As soon as I told her about the decision you and Mother made, she sat up and smiled and began to talk excitedly, about the shopping. There are few things Laura Sue loves to do more than go shopping," he said, laughing. "And she always wants to go to New York. She will probably be up there visiting you every other weekend," he added.
"What about my work in the hotel tomorrow? I don't want it all to fall on Sissy's shoulders."
"That's all over. No more chambermaid work for you. Just enjoy the hotel and the family until you have to leave for school," he said. "And don't worry about Sissy. We'll assign someone else to help her and hire someone new quickly."
He tilted his head and smiled. "You don't look as happy about it all as I expected. Is something wrong? I know the situation with the Longchamp boy was not pleasant, and I understand why you were so upset, but you shouldn't have let him hide out here." He slapped his hands together as if he could bust the unpleasant memory by clapping. "But it's over. Let's not worry about it anymore."
"I can't help worrying about Jimmy," I said quickly. "He was just trying to get away from a horrible foster family. I tried to tell you, but no one would listen."
"Um . . . well, at least we know the little girl is doing fine."
"You found out about Fern?" I sat up quickly.
"Not much. They don't like giving out that information, but a friend of your grandmother's knew someone who knew someone. Anyway, Fern was taken by a young, childless couple. Their whereabouts are a mystery to us, but we're still looking."
"But what if Daddy wants her back?" I cried.
"Daddy? Oh, Ormand Longchamp? Under the circumstances, I don't think he will be able to get her back when he is released from prison. That will be some time yet anyway," he added. Obviously, Grand-mother Cutler had not told him her part of our bargain. There was no way she could without revealing why she would do such a thing.
"Anyway," he continued, "I wanted to stop by to tell you how happy I was for you. I've got to get back to my office. See you at dinner." He knelt down to kiss me on the forehead. "You will probably become the most famous Cutler of all," he said and left.
I lay back against my pillow. How fast it was all happening now. Fern was with a new family. Perhaps she had already learned to call the man Daddy and the woman Momma. Perhaps her memories of Jimmy and me were already fading. A new home, fine clothing, plenty to eat, and good care would surely erase her earlier life and make it all seem like some vague dream.
I was sure that in a matter of days, Grandmother Cutler would have me carried off to a new life, a life away from her and Cutler's Cove. My great consolation was that I would be in the world of music, and whenever I entered that world, all hardship and misery, all unhappiness and sadness fell away. I made up my mind I would put all my energy and concentration into one thing?becoming a good singer.