Darkest Hour (Cutler 5)

Suddenly, Eugenia started to sneeze and wheeze the way she often did just before she had one of her seizures. Frightened, I called for Mamma, who rushed in with Louella at her side. I took Cotton in my arms while Mamma and Louella worked on Eugenia. The result was Doctor Cory had to be called for her.

When the doctor left, Mamma came to my room. I was sitting in the corner with Cotton, still terrified from what had happened. It appeared to reinforce Emily's accusations: I was bringing bad luck to everyone.

"I'm sorry, Mamma," I said quickly. She smiled at me.

"It wasn't your fault, Lillian honey, but Doctor Cory thinks Eugenia might be allergic to cats and that just makes her problems worse. I'm afraid you can't keep the kitten in the house after all. Henry will find a nice little home for her in the barn and you can visit her there whenever you want."

I nodded.

"He's waiting outside. You can bring her down to him now and put her in her new home, okay?"

"Okay, Mamma," I said, and went out. Henry and I set up Cotton's box in a corner near the first cow stall. In the days that followed, I would bring Cotton to Eugenia's window so she could see her. She would press her little face up against her window and smile at my kitten. It made me feel horrible that she couldn't touch Cotton. No matter what unfair things happened to me, none of them seemed as terrible as the unfair things that were happening to my little sister.

Even if there were such things as good luck and bad luck, I thought, why would God use me to punish a little girl as sweet as Eugenia? Emily couldn't be right; she just couldn't, I thought. It was the way I began my nightly prayers.

"Dear Lord. Please make my sister Emily wrong. Please."

In the weeks that passed, I looked forward to school so much that I hated when the weekends came. What I did was establish a little one-room school of my own for me and Eugenia, just as I had promised. We had our own small blackboard and chalk and I had my own primary reader. I spent hours and hours teaching Eugenia the things I had learned, and even though she was too young to begin school, she showed remarkable patience and began to learn, too.

Despite her debilitating illness, Eugenia was a very cheerful little girl who took delight in the simplest of things: the song of a lark, the burst of blossoms on the magnolia trees, or simply the colors of the sky that changed from azure to the delicate blue of a robin's egg. She would sit in her window seat and gaze out at the world like a traveler from another planet taken on a tour of earth and being shown something different every day. Eugenia had a wonderful way of looking out that window and being able to see something novel in the same scene each time she gazed.

"Look at the elephant, Lillian," she would say, and point to a twisted cedar branch that did indeed resemble the trunk of an elephant.

"Maybe you'll be an artist when you grow up," I told her and even suggested to Mamma that she buy Eugenia real paintbrushes and paint. She laughed and did go as far as to buy her crayons and coloring books, but whenever I talked to Mamma about Eugenia's future, Mamma would grow very quiet and then withdraw to play her spinet or read her books.

Naturally, Emily criticized everything I did with Eugenia, and especially mocked our play school in Eugenia's room.

"She doesn't understand anything you're doing and she'll never really go to school. It's a waste of time," she said.

"No, it's not, and she will go to school."

"She has trouble taking walks around the house," Emily said confidently. "Can you imagine her even walking to the end of our driveway?"

"Henry will take her in the wagon," I insisted.

"Papa can't let the wagon and horses be used like that twice a day, every day; and besides, Henry has his work here," Emily happily pointed out.

I tried to ignore what she said, even though in my heart I knew she was probably right.

My own work in school improved so quickly, Miss Walker made an example of me to the other students. Almost every day, I was running up the driveway ahead of Emily to show Mamma my papers with the little stars on them. At dinner Mamma would bring them out to show Papa and he would gaze down at the papers and chew his food and nod. I decided to pin all my Excellents and Very Goods up on Eugenia's wall. She took as much pride and joy in them as I did.

By the middle of November of my first school year, Miss Walker was giving me more and more responsibility. Just like Emily, I was helping other students to learn the things I had learned quickly. Emily was very severe with the students she had to tutor in class, complaining about them if they didn't pay attention. Many had to sit in the corner with the dunce's cap on because of something Emily told Miss Walker. She was very unpopular with the rest of the students in the school, but Miss Walker appeared to be pleased about that. She could turn her back or leave the room and know confidently that Emily would be reliable and no one would misbehave in front of her. Besides, Emily didn't mind being unpopular. She enjoyed the power and the authority and told me time after time there was no one at the school she cared to be friends with anyway.

One day, after she had blamed Niles Thompson for a spitball thrown at Charlie Gordon, Miss Walker told Niles to sit in the corner. He protested his innocence, but Emily was firm in her accusation.

"I saw him do it, Miss Walker," she said with her steely eyes fixed firmly on Niles.

"That's a lie. She's lying," Niles protested. He looked to me and I stood up.

"Miss Walker, Niles didn't throw the spitball," I said, contradicting Emily. Emily's face turned beet red and her nostrils widened like a bull about to snort.

"Are you absolutely positive it was Niles, Emily?" Miss Walker asked her.

"Yes, Miss Walker. Lillian's just saying that because she likes Niles," she replied coolly. "They practically hold hands when they walk to and from school."

Now it was my turn to turn red. All the boys in school smiled and some of the girls giggled.

"That's not true," I cried. "I . . ."