"Have mercy upon me, O God . . . "
When I was finished, Emily nodded, satisfied. "Say this before you go to sleep every night," she prescribed. "Understand?"
"Yes, Emily."
"Good. All right then, good night."
I breathe
d with relief when she left. The moment the door closed, Niles slid out from under the bed.
"Good grief," he said, standing, "I never realized she was so crazy."
"It's a lot worse than this, Niles," I said. And then we both realized I was standing there in my bra and panties. Niles's eyes softened. Fraction by fraction, he moved closer. I didn't turn away nor run for my robe. When there were only inches of space between us, he took my hand.
"You're so beautiful," he whispered.
I let him kiss me and I pressed my lips harder to his. The fingertips of his right hand brushed the left side of my breast. Don't, don't, I wanted to yell. Let's not do anything more, anything that would give credence to Emily's view of me as evil, but my excitement smothered the cries of my conscience and replaced them with a moan of pleasure instead. My arms spoke for me, drawing him closer so I could kiss him again and again. I felt his hands move faster, stroking, rubbing, tracing the lines of my shoulders until his fingertips found the clasp. I clung to him, my cheek pressed against his thudding heart. He hesitated, but I looked up into his eyes and said yes with mine. I felt the clasp undo and the bra seemed to lift itself from my bosom under its own power. As my breasts were uncovered, we sat on my bed and Niles brought his lips to my nipples.
All resistance in me evaporated. I let him lower me to the pillow. I closed my eyes and felt his lips trace the lines of my bosom and then move down to my belly button. I felt his hot breath on my stomach.
"Lillian," he whispered. "I love you. I do love you."
I pressed my hands to his face and brought him up until his lips were on mine again, while his hands continued to fondle my breasts.
"Niles, we better stop before it's too late."
"I will," he promised, but he didn't stop and I didn't push him away, even after I felt his hardness building against me.
"Niles, have you ever done anything like this before?" I asked.
"No."
"Then how do we know when to stop?" I asked. He was so occupied with caressing me, he didn't respond, but I knew if I didn't remind him, we would certainly go too far. "Niles, please, how do we know when to stop?"
"We'll know," he promised and kissed me harder. I felt his hand move in between his stomach and mine until it settled over my pelvic bone and his fingers twitched, causing a shock of such great excitement to pass through my body that I jumped.
"No, Niles," I said, pushing him away with all the resistance I had left in me. "If we do that, we won't stop."
He lowered his head and took deep breaths and then nodded.
"You're right," he said, and turned over on the bed. I could see the bulge in his pants.
"Does it ache, Niles?" I asked.
"What?" He looked in the direction I was gazing and sat up quickly.
"Oh. No," he said, turning crimson. "I'm all right. But I'd better go. I don't know how good I can be if I stay here much longer," he confessed. He got up quickly and brushed back his hair. He avoided looking at me and went to the window. "I'd better get back anyway."
I wrapped my blanket around me and went to him. I pressed my cheek against his shoulder and he kissed my hair.
"I'm glad you came, Niles."
"Me too."
"Be careful getting down from the roof. It's very high."
"Hey, I'm an expert tree climber, aren't I?"