Darkest Hour (Cutler 5)

I didn't reply. I waited. He muttered under his breath and after a moment, he got into the bed beside me. For a while we just lay there side by side, Bill staring up at the ceiling, me curled up inches away from him. Finally, I felt his hand on my thigh.

"Now see here," he said. "Whatever's the truth about you, we're husband and wife. You're Mrs. William Cutler the Second and I claim my conjugal rights?' He pressed down harder so I would turn toward him. The moment I did so, his hands groped me and his lips pressed down on mine. My lips parted beneath his prolonged kiss. I gasped because his tongue touched mine and then he laughed and pulled his head back to look down at me with condescension. "You ain't so experienced after all, are you?"

"Not like any of the women you've known, I'm sure," I said.

He laughed. "You are one proud young woman, Lillian. I can see how you're going to make one helluva mistress for Cutler's Cove. I ain't done so bad after all," he said, and repeated it more for himself than for me.

He lowered his face to mine and moved his lips over my eyes, my cheeks, my chin and my neck, and then he continued down, kissing my breasts, lingering over my nipples and moaning. He nudged my bosom with his nose, inhaling the scent of me. Despite my reluctance and unhappiness, my curiosity accompanied the titillating sensations that washed over my body in wave after wave, taking me to places I didn't expect I would go. I cried out when he continued on his journey down my body, tracing his lips over the small of my stomach.

"No matter what you say," he muttered, "you're like a virgin to me."

How different sex was when it was expected. What Papa had done to me was still lodged in the darkest places of my mind, locked away with my worst nightmares and childhood fears. But this was different. My body was interested and receptive and no matter what my mind said, the tingling grew stronger until Bill finally entered me and consummated our arranged marriage with an animal passion. I rose and fell with his thrusts, moving from moments of terror to moments of pleasure, and when it ended, when he exploded within me with his hot spasms, I thought my heart would burst open and I would die in bed on my wedding night. A hot flush moved up my neck and made my cheeks feel as if they were on fire.

"Well, all right," he said. "All right." He rolled over on his back. He had to catch his breath too. "I don't know who your lover was," he said, "but he must have been a virgin too." Then he laughed.

I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to wipe that self-satisfied, conceited smile of his face, but my shame was too great.

"Anyway," he continued, "now you know why you're a lucky woman." He laughed. "And now you're the new Mrs. Cutler." He closed his eyes. "I think you're right. A little nap is in order. It has been one helluva day."

In moments he was snoring. I lay there awake for hours, it seemed. The overcast and rainy night sky began to clear. Through the window I saw a star peek out between the thin wisps of clouds trailing behind the thick, dark ones.

I had survived this ordeal, I thought. I even felt stronger because of it. Perhaps Vera was right; perhaps I could take control of my life and change Bill Cutler enough to tolerate and endure my new existence. I was Mrs. Cutler now and I was on my way to my new home, and from all accounts of it, an impressive and interesting new home at that.

What logic, what reason did Fate have for denying me the gentle and true love Niles and I would have had together and instead placing me beside this stranger who now lay beside me as my husband, after a marriage sanctified by the church? The minister never asked if we were in love; he only demanded we swear to uphold our vows. What is marriage without love, I wondered, even if a minister performs the ceremony?

Why, two mockingbirds finding each other through their songs had more reason to be, I thought.

Back in The Meadows, Vera was probably putting Charlotte to sleep. Charles was finishing whatever chores were left to finish. Little Luther was most likely with him. Emily was locked away in her chambers on her knees muttering some prayer, and Papa was sleeping off his drunken stupor, the land title document still clutched in his big hand.

And I, I waited for the morning and the journey that lay ahead, full of mystery, full of surprise, for the only promise left to me was the promise of tomorrow.

16

CUTLER'S COVE

The remainder of our journey passed very quickly. After a wonderful breakfast at the Dew Drop Inn, Bill and I quickly gathered our things and started off, Horace and Marion Dobbs wishing us good luck so many times I. was sure they had seen something in my face to urge them to do so. The rain had passed and we did have a beautifully clear day in which to travel. Whether he was just tired from the wedding and our lovemaking or whether he was just settling down into his real self, I wasn't sure, but Bill was much quieter during the rest of our motor trip an

d much nicer to me. When he did speak, he described Cutler's Cove and told me a little about his family.

"My father had some fool notion he could farm by the ocean. He acquired a large tract of land, not realizing or caring at the time that we had ocean front, too. He built a fine farmhouse and a barn and brought in some livestock, but it wasn't long before the weather and the land told him in no uncertain terms that he was hell-bent on the wrong vocation.

"But my mother was resourceful and she began taking in boarders, at first for some extra money.

"One day, she and my father sat down and talked about it all and decided that they should turn the place into a real hotel. Once they made that decision, it was all downhill. Pop had a dock built so those who wanted to fish could row out a bit. He worked on the grounds, creating gardens and pretty lawns, pathways for nature walks, a pond with benches, gazebos, fountains. He couldn't be a farmer, but he was a helluva gardener.

"And my mother was a great cook. The combination proved successful and before long, we had an addition built onto the old house. The hotel, Cutler's Cove, has been at near or full capacity ever since. People up North have been spreading the word about us and we have guests from New York, Massachusetts, even as far north as Maine and Canada. They all raved about the food."

"Who does the cooking now?" I asked.

"I've had a few cooks since Ma's gotten too old to do any work. Just before the wedding, I hired a Hungarian man who was referred to me by a friend. His name's Nussbaum and he is a great chef, although the kitchen staff complains about his hot temper.

"You'll see what it's like," Bill said, smiling. "Most of the time I'm running around trying to keep peace among the workers."

I nodded and sat back to watch the scenery rush by. I didn't want to reveal that I had never seen the ocean before, but when it suddenly appeared on the horizon, I gasped with awe. I had read about it and seen pictures of it, of course, but confronting the vastness this close up was overwhelming. I could only gape like a young schoolgirl and take delight in the sailboats and the fishing vessels. When a large ship appeared, I couldn't hold back a cry.

"Hey," Bill said, laughing. "I know you told me your father didn't take you kids to the ocean much, but you've been here before, haven't you?"

"No," I revealed.