Secrets of the Morning (Cutler 2)

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I was too nervous to eat breakfast. Although summer had lingered into late September and it was still warm, the sky was overcast and dreary. I was afraid it would rain—I'd had so many fantasies and daydreams about Jimmy and I walking through the city, his strong hand holding mine. Trisha went to the library to get some research books for a term paper we had to do. By the time she returned, it was after noon and Jimmy still hadn't arrived.

"He's late," I cried. "Maybe something happened and he can't come."

"He would have called you, wouldn't he? Stop worrying. It's not so easy traveling through New York, you know. You're chewing your nails down to your finger bones," she declared. I pulled my fingers from my lips.

"Here," she ordered, giving me one of the books. "Take out your notebook and go down to the sitting room and read and wait."

"Oh, I just couldn't, Trisha," I moaned.

"It will help you pass the time until he comes. Just do it," she commanded. "I'll sit and wait with you."

We went downstairs. As the hours ticked by I began to get discouraged. I took out my mirror and checked and rechecked every few minutes, primping and patting my hair. Arthur Garwood returned from Saturday instrumental practice and looked in, his pencil-thin lips twisting into a smile, but when he saw Trisha was there with me, he snapped himself back as if he were connected to an enormous rubber band and continued up to his room. Finally, after we'd waited nearly four hours we heard the door buzzer sound.

Trisha and I looked up at each other. Agnes was out shopping with friends and Mrs. Liddy was in the kitchen.

"Should I let him in?" Trisha asked.

"No, no, I'll do it," I said and took a deep breath. "How do I look?"

"Not any different from the way you looked five minutes ago when you asked," she said, laughing.

I stood up and went to the entrance. I closed my eyes and for a moment pictured Jimmy back at the hotel in the hideaway when we had told each other our most secret feelings and thoughts about each other. Those moments and those words seemed more like part of a childhood dream, a fantasy. Had time and distance changed the way we felt? My heart began to pound in anticipation. I opened the outer doors to greet him.

Jimmy looked so much taller in his uniform. His face had lost its innocent softness and become firm and full in a mature way. His dark hair was short, of course, but that didn't take away from his good looks. It seemed to emphasize his hazel-brown eyes, Momma Longchamp's eyes. He stood tall with his shoulders back, confidence radiating from him. As he looked down at me, I saw his eyes soften and warmth flooded through me.

"Hi," he said. "I'm sorry I'm so late, but a bus broke down and I got a little lost. You look so pretty."

"Thank you," I said. I didn't move. It was as if we had both jumped ahead years and years and were afraid to treat each other the way we had when we were growing up side by side as brother and sister.

"Aren't you going to invite him in?" Trisha asked, standing directly behind me.

"What? Oh. I'm sorry, Jimmy. This is Trisha, my roommate. Trisha, this is Jimmy."

Jimmy stepped forward and took Trisha's hand.

"Pleased to meet you," he said. He nodded toward me. "Dawn has told me a lot about you."

"And she's told me a lot about you, too," Trisha countered. They both looked at me as if I had given away state secrets about each. "Shall we go into the sitting room?" Trisha asked, that silly smile frozen on her lips.

"What? Oh, yes," I said and led Jimmy in.

"Very nice place," he said, sitting down on the small sofa and gazing around at the pictures and mementos.

"Would you like something to drink?" Trisha asked. "Dawn seems to have forgotten her manners," she teased. "Agnes would be very upset."

"No thank you," Jimmy said. There was a long moment of silence and then we all started talking at once.

"How is Daddy Longchamp?" I asked.

"How's school?" Jimmy asked.

"What's it like being in the army?" Trisha asked.

We all laughed. Then Jimmy sat back, a lot more relaxed. He seemed so different to me, so calm and so much stronger. I had always felt so much younger than him, so much like his little sister. Now his quiet maturity made me feel even more distant.

"I like the army," he said. "Like they tell you at boot camp, I've found a new home."