Secrets of the Morning (Cutler 2)

I threw off the blanket and rushed to get my clothes on.

"It's two o'clock in the morning. Agnes will be furious. We're supposed to be in by twelve at the latest on weekends and ten on weekdays."

"Oh, wow. I don't know what happened," he said, sitting up and putting on his pants.

We rushed out and down to the hotel lobby. It was so late there was no one behind the desk. It took us quite a while to finally find a cab and it was nearly three in the morning when we arrived at Agnes's house.

"Should I come in with you and explain?" Jimmy asked.

"Explain what? How we fell asleep together in bed in your hotel room?"

"I'm sorry," Jimmy said again. "The last thing I wanted to do is get you in trouble at your school."

"I'll think of something. Call me tomorrow morning. Oh, it is the morning," I said. "Don't you dare leave for Europe without seeing me one more time, Jimmy. Promise," I demanded.

"I promise," he said. "I'll come over around eleven."

I kissed him and hopped out of the taxi cab. Naturally, the front door was locked so I had to press the buzzer. Jimmy sat staring up from the cab. I waved him on and he instructed the cab driver to take him back to the hotel. A few minutes later Agnes opened the doors. She was in her robe with her hair down. Without her pounds of makeup, she looked ghostly pale and years older.

"Do you know what time it is?" she demanded before letting me enter.

"I'm sorry, Agnes. We just lost track of time and by the time we looked . . ."

"I didn't call the police, but I had to call your grandmother," she said. "I don't have to tell you how upset she was. I didn't know this boy you were seeing was a juvenile delinquent who had been arrested at the hotel."

"That's not true," I cried. "She's lying about Jimmy, just as she lied about everything else in the letter she wrote you."

"Well, if anyone's doing any lying, I think it's you, my dear," she said, pulling herself up into a stern posture. She was into a role, I thought. There wasn't much sense in arguing. "You have deceived me and after I have trusted you, too. How do you think this reflects on me and my standing with the school. Your grandmother was going to lodge a complaint with the administration, but I promised her this would never happen again and that you would never see this boy again.

"Also," she said, folding her arms under her breasts and stiffening into a statue, "you are restricted to this dorm for six months. You are to be in by six o'clock, even on weekends, and can go out only if you have something to do at the school and only after I confirm it. Is that clear?"

That's unfair, I thought, but swallowed back my resentment and nodded. I didn't care about going out anymore anyway. Jimmy was off to Europe tomorrow. "Very well then," Agnes said, stepping back to let me pass. "March yourself right up to your room and be very quiet about it so you don't disturb the others. I'm very disappointed in you, Dawn," she called as I went by her. I hurried up the stairs. The moment I slipped into our room, Trisha sat up.

"Where were you?" she asked. "Agnes is furious."

"I know." I sat on her bed and started to cry. "I'm restricted for six months. Grandmother Cutler has seen to that."

"But where were you?"

I told her how we had gone to Jimmy's hotel room and fallen asleep in each other's arms.

"Wow," she said.

"Nothing happened, Trisha. It wasn't like that," I said, but I saw the skepticism in her eyes. "You've got to help me tomorrow," I said, remembering Jimmy would come by in the morning. "I've got to see him before he goes off to Europe."

We planned how she would wait outside and then come to get me when he arrived. Jimmy and I would visit with each other in the park. It would be there where we would say our goodbyes. And then I would return to the apartment house and bury myself in my school work and my music, trying to forget the time and the distance that kept us apart.

I went to sleep dreaming about the day he would return and we would go off together to live our own lives, free of Grandmother Cutler and hateful people. I would earn a wonderful living for us through my singing and music.

Was I still a child to have such hope?

5

FAMILY AFFAIRS

After we said our painful goodbyes and Jimmy left for Europe, I tried to lose myself in my work. It wasn't long before I hated time and absolutely despised the calendar that seemed to gloat and remind me continually of just how long it took for weeks and months to pass. I didn't think I would mind my punishment as much as I did, but it was especially painful to be restricted to the apartment house when Trisha and some of our other friends were free to go to movies and dances, restaurants and department stores.

One Saturday night shortly after Jimmy left and Arthur Garwood had heard about what had happened and how I was punished, he came knocking on my bedroom door. I thought it was Agnes, perhaps coming to tell me I was permitted to use the sitting room and didn't have to lock myself up in my bedroom. I was prepared to sulk and not utter a single word to her. I didn't even say, "Come in." After a moment though, I heard Arthur call my name so I went to the door. He stood there with a box under his arm.