Secrets of the Morning (Cutler 2)

"You were?" She looked astonished. "Jimmy, you say?" She wrinkled her nose in distaste. "You mean that boy . . ."

"Yes Mother, that boy. Thankfully, he arrived in time to rescue me from Grandmother Cutler's horrid sister Emily and that dreadful place."

"Emily," she said, smirking. "I met her only once. She never liked me and I certainly never liked her. She was a horrid woman," she agreed.

"Then how could you permit Grandmother Cutler to send me there?" I demanded, "especially, if you knew what Miss Emily was like?"

"Really, Dawn, we didn't have all that much choice," she said with exasperation, "considering how you behaved." She sat back and looked me over for the first time. "Apparently, your problem is over and you don't look all that terrible for it. It is good to see you've gotten your figure back."

"My problem is over? Mother, you don't know what torture I endured, how she treated me and worked me and tried to cause a miscarriage. She's a horrible, horrible person," I cried. My mother didn't even wince. She turned and looked at herself in the mirror again.

"Well, all that is behind you now, Dawn. It's over and done with. Grandmother Cutler is gone too, so you can return to the hotel and . . ."

"But Mother, you didn't even inquire about my baby. Don't you care?"

"What's there to care about, Dawn?" She turned and looked at me again. "Really, what do you want me to ask?"

"For starters, you could ask if my baby lived, if it were a boy or a girl, and most importantly, where it is! Unless," I added, hopefully, "you know."

"I don't know anything about any baby except that you were sent to The Meadows to have it secretly so it would bring no scandal to the Cutlers. I couldn't very well argue against that. You should have been more careful. Now, as I said, it's over. . . ."

"It's not over, Mother! My baby is alive and I want to know where she is!"

"Stop that shouting. I will not tolerate anyone ever shouting at me again. Now that the queen is gone, I will be no one's whipping boy," she snapped back. Then, she smiled. "Be sensible, Dawn. You can be happy now, just like me. You will take your place in the family and . . ."

"Mother, do you know where my baby was taken after she was born? Did Grandmother Cutler tell you? If she did, please tell me," I begged, using a softer tone of voice.

"I never asked her any of those details, Dawn. You knew what she was like. She was in charge." She turned back to the mirror. "It wouldn't surprise me if she has already begun to order God Himself around in Heaven and he's had to toss her out." She laughed merrily. "What am I saying? That witch is probably burning in the pits of Hell, where she rightly belongs," she sniffed indignantly.

"But Mother, my baby . . ."

"Oh Dawn, why do you want to think about it? Your lover left you high and dry, didn't he? Why do you want his baby anyway? And just think what it would mean. How would you ever find anyone decent to marry? The choicest suitors, those who are rich and handsome, won't want to marry a young lady with a baby, especially someone else's baby."

"Is that why you gave me away so easily, Mother?"

"That was an entirely different situation, Dawn. Oh, please, don't start with that again and again and again. Be thankful for what you've got," she added, her eyes filling with anger and annoyance now. "Despite her methods, Grandmother Cutler made it possible for your indiscretion to be kept secret. No one has to know anything. It's over; you can start anew."

She turned to the mirror again and ran her finger over her eyebrows.

"I have so much to do before the funeral. I just hate funerals, dressing in black, looking glum and pale, afraid to smile or people will think it's blasphemous and disrespectful. Well, I won't look like a heartbroken mourner just to please the public. I won't. It makes wrinkles if you frown too much.

"Fortunately, I bought a very pretty black dress in New York when we saw you there. It's a little dressy, but I think it will do. I have to think about all the people who will come, people who will be at the hotel to console Randolph and pay their respects. I have to be the strong, perfect little wife and daughter-in-law and greet them all properly.

"I think you should go out and buy something appropriate to wear yourself, Dawn honey. Clara Sue and Philip are on the way home from school and the three of you should look very nice together."

"Didn't you hear anything I said, Mother? I had a baby; she was taken from me," I said softly.

She rose from her chair and started toward the bed.

"I want to rest now," she said. "I don't want to look tired and drawn. It doesn't do anyone any good for me to look that way. People expect me to look stunning and I can't let them down."

She pulled back the blanket and crawled under. Then she sighed and lowered her head to the pillows.

"Just think, Dawn. I'm the lady of the manor now. I'm the queen. Isn't that delicious?"

"In your mind you always were the queen, Mother," I said and turned away quickly, more disgusted with her than I had ever been.

Jimmy stood up quickly, the moment I returned to the lobby.