Celeste (Gemini 1)

"Damn," he shouted, and then he started laughing. I was still feeling unsteady myself. but rather than fall into a laughing jag, I wanted to cry. I sniffed back my tears and swallowed and swallowed.

Just as I started away from the creek. I heard him scream and turned to see him fall backward into the water. He started laughing again and waved.

"Who pushed me?" he cried and laughed again.

He splashed about and reached for the rock from which he had tumbled, but the raging creek actually turned him. The water was still quite cold, despite the start of spring. Most of it was coming from melting snow and ice from the mountains above. I thought.

"Hey," I heard him scream, as if he could talk to the water and bawl it out for interfering. "I think I feel a fish in my shot," he cried and laughed again.

He was carried farther away from this rock bridge, and although his efforts to prevent it were futile, he didn't seem in any panic: I took a few steps back toward the water.

"Hey. Look. A shark's after me." he shouted, and then his head went down below the water.

He popped up and flailed about, turning as he did so. I saw he got some footing, but when he attempted to stand, he fell backward. He laughed again, even though this time he was carried more forcefully away. I ran to the shore of the creek, and from there. I watched him swinging his arms and struggling to take hold of rocks, branches, anything, until he went under again and then emerged just as he rounded the far turn. He waved at me and shouted. "Call the Coast Guard!" His laugh died away as he disappeared.

It was quiet, except for the gurgling sound of the water as it rushed by and over the rocks.

"Elliot!" I called. "Are you all right?"

I stared at the turn where he had disappeared from sight and waited. I called again. My voice was swallowed up by the sound of the creek. A large crow, however, shot off a high tree branch and flapped its wings madly. When it cried, it sounded like laughter to me.

He must have gotten out on the other side. I thought, He was probably lying there laughing at it all, especially laughing at me. I've got to get home. I realized. Mommy might already be back. I hurried away. avoiding brambles and branches the best I could. When I broke out of the forest and into our meadow. I could see that Mommy was not yet back. I sighed with relief and continued to the house.

As soon as I got there, I went upstairs to my room and undressed. I took a hot and then a cold shower, and it seemed to help me clear my mind. By the time I dressed again and went downstairs. Mommy had returned. She seemed very, very happy. Her face was beaming.

"Noble," she cried when she saw me. "I have wonderful news. Mr. Bogart has already found us customers who will buy everything that we can produce. Were going to expand our garden. Oh. I know we don't need the money so desperately, but it will be fun to be doing something valuable, won't it? He was even talking about creating a brand. He suggested Sarah's Herbal Wonders. It would be something for you to inherit someday, too. Another legacy."

She paused.

"You look freshened up. What have you been doing?"

"I tried my saw. I have to get used to it." I said.

"Of course. Pm glad you're responsible enough to realize such a thing. I went to the supermarket and bought some very lean pork chops. I'll stuff them, and well have a little celebration." she decided and went off to the kitchen.

I went outside and sat on the porch, gazing off at the woods. What had I done? How much deeper had I fallen? I wondered. A part of me was

treacherous. Even though Elliot was forcing me to do his will. I was unable to keep myself from confessing my excitement and pleasure over some of it. I wanted to harden myself against myself.

I imagined Mommy would say it was the Celeste in me again, but all this did was make me question and challenge my own identity. Who was I now? Who would I be? You can't be a boy forever. Elliot had said, but if I wasn't, Mommy would have to bury Noble again in a proper grave with a tombstone.

The image of her digging him up crossed my troubled mind. It was gross and actually made my stomach churn. I would have to help. I would have to take off Celeste's clothes and put Noble's on his decomposed body. I shuddered, stood up as though I was being haunted, and quickly walked off the porch and went to the barn to busy myself with cleaning the chain saw.

Later Mommy called me to dinner, and I had to force myself to have a big appetite. She had gone ahead and made an apple pie, too, and when she cut me a piece, she cut a large one as usual and plopped a chunk of rich vanilla ice cream over it. She was still keeping me overweight,

"I didn't actually stop at a car dealership. Noble. but I went by one and I saw this red sedan you would just love. It was one of those very fancy cars with the shiny wheels, you know. I sat back and saw you washing the car every weekend. Remember when you and your daddy would do that?"

"Yes."

"We're going to have wonderful times again. Noble, wonderful times."

After dinner she went into the living room and played some of her favorite old-time songs, songs she said her mother had loved and even her grandmother enjoyed.

"They would stand around the piano and sing." she told me. "Our home was so warm, so full of love. Grandpa Jordan would pretend it was just a lot of noise to him, but when I stole a glance. I saw the happy smile on his face and the way he looked at my grandmother. She was a beautiful woman with an angelic smile.

"She still has that smile, of course. That's the wonder of the spiritual existence. Noble. You are frozen in your happiest, most beautiful and handsome moments. Some day you'll know what I mean. Someday," she said, her voice drifting off with the music.

Could we be that happy? I wondered, Would everything turn out all right after all? Would I be blessed and given the powers, all the powers, even though I had done what I had done?