she did. Still, we all went runnin afta, specially when
she got herself knocked up; we thought he'd want
t'screw around on t'side, an he paid us no mind at all. I
decided I'd get him one way or nother. He couldn't
have her then, so he took me three times, an what I
prayed fer happened. He put in me a baby. He didn't
love me, I knew that. Maybe he didn't even like me.
He seemed bothered every time he were with me, an even called me angel once when he was ridin me. When I tole him I had his kid comin, he started turnin money ova t'me fer t'baby I had in my womb. An jus when I thought I'd have t'up an marry some otha man,
that city girl obliged me by dyin . . ."
Oh, oh! How awful for Sarah to be glad my
mother died!
Sarah talked on in her flat, emotionless way,
and I could hear the faint squeak of Granny's rocker
going back and forth, back and forth.
"When he came t'me t'ask me t'marry him so his
baby could have its father, I thought in a month or so
he'd ferget all bout her--but he didn't. He ain't yet. I
tried t'make him love me, Annie, truly I did. Was
good t'his baby named Heaven. Gave him Tom, then
Fanny, Keith, an Our Jane. Ain't had no otha man
since I married up. Would neva have nother if only
he'd love me like he loved her--but he won't do it--
an I kin't talk t'him no more. He won't listen. He's got
his mind set on doin somethin crazy, an won't let me
say nothin t'keep him from tryin. Gonna go an leave
us all, that's what he's plannin t'do someday soon.
Leave me here to wash, cook, clean, suffa . . . an take
kerr of anotha baby. I'd stay foreva if only he'd love
me. But when he turns on me an shouts out ugly words, they eat on my soul, tellin me I'm sendin him t'his ruin, makin of him a mean, ugly animal that hits out at his own kids--wishin they were hers, not mine.
I know. I see it in his eyes.