Heaven (Casteel 1)

she did. Still, we all went runnin afta, specially when

she got herself knocked up; we thought he'd want

t'screw around on t'side, an he paid us no mind at all. I

decided I'd get him one way or nother. He couldn't

have her then, so he took me three times, an what I

prayed fer happened. He put in me a baby. He didn't

love me, I knew that. Maybe he didn't even like me.

He seemed bothered every time he were with me, an even called me angel once when he was ridin me. When I tole him I had his kid comin, he started turnin money ova t'me fer t'baby I had in my womb. An jus when I thought I'd have t'up an marry some otha man,

that city girl obliged me by dyin . . ."

Oh, oh! How awful for Sarah to be glad my

mother died!

Sarah talked on in her flat, emotionless way,

and I could hear the faint squeak of Granny's rocker

going back and forth, back and forth.

"When he came t'me t'ask me t'marry him so his

baby could have its father, I thought in a month or so

he'd ferget all bout her--but he didn't. He ain't yet. I

tried t'make him love me, Annie, truly I did. Was

good t'his baby named Heaven. Gave him Tom, then

Fanny, Keith, an Our Jane. Ain't had no otha man

since I married up. Would neva have nother if only

he'd love me like he loved her--but he won't do it--

an I kin't talk t'him no more. He won't listen. He's got

his mind set on doin somethin crazy, an won't let me

say nothin t'keep him from tryin. Gonna go an leave

us all, that's what he's plannin t'do someday soon.

Leave me here to wash, cook, clean, suffa . . . an take

kerr of anotha baby. I'd stay foreva if only he'd love

me. But when he turns on me an shouts out ugly words, they eat on my soul, tellin me I'm sendin him t'his ruin, makin of him a mean, ugly animal that hits out at his own kids--wishin they were hers, not mine.

I know. I see it in his eyes.