Heaven (Casteel 1)

"Oh," said Fanny, looking more alert, "ya missed me, huh? Why, ain't that sweet of ya. Who else misses me? Anybody been askin where I am?"

"Sure," Logan said in an offhand way, still staring at me, "all of us wonder why the two prettiest girls in the school stay away."

What could I say to embellish bleak lives of hunger and cold? All he had to do was look around to see how poorly we lived. Why did he just keep his head turned toward me, refusing to stare

at a room with no creature comforts but those rolled-up straw mattresses we put on the floor? "Why are you wearing dark glasses, Logan?"

He stiffened. "I guess I never told you I wear contacts. That last fight I had, well, a fist hit me in the eye, and the lens cut my iris, and now my

ophthalmologist wants me to keep strong light out of my eyes, and when you favor one eye, you have to favor the other as well, or wear an eyepatch. I prefer the shades."

"Then you can hardly see a thing, can you?"

He flushed. "Not much, to be honest. I see you as a dim figure . . . and I think you've got Our Jane and Keith on your lap."

"Logan, she's not Our Jane t'ya . only t'us,"

Fanny spoke up. "Ya kin call her jus Jane."

"I want to call her what Heaven calls her."

"Kin ya see me?" Fanny asked, standing up, and when she did, she had on only her panties with several of Granny's old shawls about her shoulders . . . and beneath those shawls she was bare from the waist up. Her tiny breasts were just beginning to poke out like hard green apples. Fanny carelessly let the shawl fall open as she rose and sauntered about barefooted. Oh, the shame of her doing that, in front of Logan. . . and Tom!

"Go put on clothes," ordered Tom, red-faced. "Ya ain't got enough of anything fer anyone t'notice anyway."

"But I will have!" screamed Fanny. "Have bigga an betta than Heaven eva will!"

Logan stood to go. He waited for Tom as if he needed help finding the door--when it was right in front of him. "If you can't talk to me when I walk all this way, Heaven, I'm not coming again. I thought you knew I am your friend. I came to prove that I care, and I worry when I don't see you for so long. Miss Deale worries. Just tell me this before I go. . . are you all right? Do you need anything?" He paused for my answer, and when I didn't give it, he asked: "Do you have enough food? Wood? Coal?"

"We don't have enough of nothin!" yelled Fanny loudmouth.

Logan kept his eyes on me, not on Fanny, who'd covered herself again and was now curled up as if half asleep.

"What makes you think we wouldn't have enough to eat?" I asked, pride making my voice haughty.

"I just want to make sure."

"We're fine, Logan, just fine. And of course we have wood and coal--"

"WE DO NOT!" cried Fanny. "We've neva had coal! Wish t'God we did. Heard tell it burns hotter than wood!"

Quickly I spoke. "As you know, Logan, Fanny is a greedy soul and out to get all she can, so ignore anything she says. We're fine, as you can plainly see. I do hope your damaged iris will heal soon and you can take off those dark glasses."

Now he appeared offended and stayed close behind Tom, who led the way out. "Good-bye, Mr. Casteel," he said to Grandpa. "See you later, Keith, Our Jane . . and keep your clothes on, Fanny." He turned one last time to me, reaching out as if to touch me, or perhaps it was a motion to draw me to him. I sat on, determined not to contaminate his life with Casteel troubles. "I hope soon you'll be coming back to school, Heaven." And he flicked his hand to include Fanny and Keith and Our Jane. "If you ever do need anything, or just want something, remember my dad has a store full of things, and what we don't have there, we can get elsewhere."

"How nice for you," was my sarcastic reply, showing no gratitude at all. "Must make you feel grand and rich. . why, it's a wonder you'd even bother with a hillbilly girl like me."

I pitied him as he stood there in the open door, staring at me, not knowing what to say. "Good-bye, Heaven. I risked the good health of my vision coming to see you when the sun on the snow up here is not what I'm supposed to see--yet I came anyway. I'm sorry I did now. I wish you luck, but I'll not be coming again just to be insulted."

O000h, don't go away feeling hurt, Logan. . please

. but I didn't say those words. I just rocked on and on and allowed him to slam out the door, with Tom chasing after, to see him through the woods where he might get lost, and down the safest trail to the valley, where he'd never lose himself, even wearing those damned glasses.

"Boy, were you hateful to Logan," said Tom when he returned. "Durn if I didn't feel sorry for him, trekking all this way up here, almost blind, t'meet with a hateful girl who snapped her eyes at him, and lied her crazy head off . . ya know we don't have anything much. An he could help."

"Tom, do you want everyone to know that Pa has . . you know."

"No . . . but do we have to tell him about Pa?" "We'd have to give some reason why he isn't here, wouldn't we? I guess Logan presumes he's still coming and going, and more or less providing."