Right after I showered, my phone rang. I lifted the receiver, expecting it to be Logan. It wasn't. It was Fanny. I hadn't spoken to her since our argument in the cabin, and I knew she would accuse me of avoiding her, but it seemed she had other things on her mind, worse things. She had finally found a way to pierce my heart.
"I was sorry ta hear 'bout yer granny," she said. "Or didn't ya call her granny? Probably had a fancier way now that yer one of them Beantown high and mighty."
"I called her by her name," I said. "Or I called her Grandmother. So, how have you been, Fanny?"
"Took ya long enuf ta ask," she said. There was a slight pause and then, with a musical tone, she asked, "So tell me, Heaven Leigh, are ya pregnant yit? If you were still in the Willies ya would be."
"No, I'm not, Fanny. I'm not ready yet to start a family."
"Oh . . . well, I got some news fer ya. I am," she stated gleefully.
"Really?" I sat down. I knew that in a moment she was going to tell me all about Randall
and how she had been carrying on with him and how he had now made her pregnant, but she had other surprises in mind.
"An' it's not my fault, Heaven. It's yer fault."
"My fault?" I was getting ready to hear how I had left her all alone back in Winnerow after I had made promises when we were younger to always look after her. She always accused me of letting Pa sell her to the Reverend and his wife and told me I should have done more to stop her from selling him her baby. Whatever she was now, whatever happened to her now, was my fault because it was the result of all that.
"Ya shoulda been here; ya shoulda had more interest," she sang. I didn't like the light, happy tone in her voice. There was something in it, something quite unexpected.
"Interest? Interest in what? What are you talking about, Fanny?" I asked, trying to sound as bored and disdainful with her little games as I could.
"Interest in yer own man, in Logan," she declared.
"Logan? What does this have to do with Logan?" I asked her, my heart beginning to pitterpatter.
"It's Logan who made me pregnat, that's what," she said. "I'm the one havin' yer husband's baby, not you."
TEN Fanny's Game
. GOOSE BUMPS BROKE OUT OVER MY ARMS AND LEGS. I FELT as if two arms carved from ice had embraced me. Fanny's short laugh sounded like static on the line. The sounds stung, yet even though I wanted to, I couldn't pull the phone away from my ear. It was stuck there like maple syrup frozen on a winter tree in the Willies. It encouraged her. I could envision her looking hateful and vicious, her eyes burning, her small white teeth flashing. Fanny had always been able to turn her emotions on and off, to change from one to another as easily as she changed channels on a television set.
"If it's a boy, I'm a gonna name him Logan," she said. "And if it's a girl, I think I'll name her Heaven."
For a long moment I didn't respond; I couldn't respond. My lips were sewn shut, my teeth pressed so hard against each other, I was afraid I'd break one. I could feel the veins in my neck straining as I made a tremendous effort to swallow. How my throat ached.
Thoughts ran frantically through my mind with lightning speed. Perhaps Fanny was lying because of her jealousy of me. Not that I didn't believe she was pregnant. I believed that, but I believed the child had to be someone else's and not Logan's. Probably it was Randall's, but once Fanny discovered she was pregnant, she came up with this plan, taking advantage of the fact that Logan was in Winnerow so much and we were separated so much.
"I don't believe you," I finally told her, my voice so thin and sharp I hardly recognized it myself. "You're lying and it's a horrible and mean thing to do! But I'm not surprised at you, Fanny," I continued, getting more control of myself. "It doesn't surprise me that you would still try to come between me and Logan. You've been trying to do that from the first day I met him," I accused, "and he showed that he wanted to be with me and not with you."
She laughed again, sounding as if it were I and not she who lived in a world of pretend. For the first time she appeared to be the superior one, her tone of voice condescending. I was the one who had to be humored; I was the one who had to be treated like a child. It made me so angry, I wished she were there in front of me so I could pull out her hair or slap the arrogance out of her face.
"Go on, laugh. You want me to remind you? Shall I remind you of the time Logan was waiting for me by the river and you took off your dress and went running up and down naked to try to get him to come after you before I arrived? He didn't go after you, did he?"
"Only because he heard you was comin', Heaven. He asked me ta take off my dress. I said I might an' he said, go on, I dare ya ta, so I did, an' then he got scared when he heard ya comin' "
"Another one of your lies," I retorted. "Why, that first time he ever came to our cabin, you paraded about in your panties with nothing covering your breasts but a few of Granny's old shawls. Did he ask you to do that, too?"
"No, but he was lookin' pretty good, wasn't he? He was always lookin' at me, jus' hopin' fer the chance."
"That's ridiculous. That is the most ridiculous thing . . why. . . why didn't he choose to go with you instead of Maisie Setterton then when he had the chance, huh?" I asked. I hated the whiny sound in my voice and I hated playing this childish game with Fanny, but she had me in such a rage. I couldn't help it.
"He was jus' tryin' to get ya jealous by goin' with Kitty Dennison's sister because he thought ya still liked Cal Dennison. He told me," she said. "So there. Ya made me tell ya the ugly truth about him, but I ain't gonna hide any of it no more. I'm thinkin' only about myself."
"You're lying," was all I could say. Why was it that Fanny was always able to find the weak spots in my walls of defense? All our lives, as long as I could remember, she either played on my fears or my conscience.
"I'm not lyin'. You'll see when ya ask Logan and make him tell ya the truth. I'll tell ya jus' what ta ask him Ya ask him why he was so nice ta me when I went over to the factory site. Ya ask him why he didn't say no when I offered ta bring him somethin' ta eat at the cabin that night. Then ya ask him why he didn't send me home.